𝗕𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗱 || 𝗔𝗻𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗸𝘆𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

18-Again

"No!" I screamed and shot up from my bed startling Anakin who had fallen asleep next to me. We were up for a few hours talking about the training I would be having until we fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Are you okay?" He asked me with a concerned expression as he held me and I was panting from the nightmare I just had, covered in sweat and my hair was sticking to my forehead.

The nightmare was of Alderaan, all the people I killed. They were standing up completely disfigured and they were pointing at me and shouting, calling me a monster.

The woman whose neck I broke walked up to me with her head hung to the side as she mumbled 'murderer'. I was huddled in a corner in the fetal position as I cried and screamed for them to go away but their shouting only seemed to get louder.

"Alderaan." I finally whispered to Anakin and he immediately knew what I was referring to. "All those innocent people." I choked and I was feeling pain over what I did and my body was trying to tell me to turn the pain off. But that would mean going back to the dark side and that wasn't an option.

"That's in the past." He tried to comfort me but it didn't work. "You're not her anymore."

"You don't understand." I shook my head as I tried to gently push him away from me. "Everything I've done is eating away at me."

"But I do." I looked up to meet his ocean blue eyes and I could see there was something he was hiding, something he felt remorse over, "Remember when I told you about my mother, how she was killed by the sand people?" I nodded and he continued, "Well something I didn't mention was that after she died," he paused for a moment looking away from me and he held his head in shame, "I killed them all. The men, the women, and the children." A few tears went down his face, "I still dream of them too and I can hear their screams. It's my biggest shame and sometimes I don't feel like I'm worthy of being a Jedi."

I was shocked by what he just told me, that the sweet Anakin I know and love was capable of doing something like that. But I didn't hold it against him, I knew this was difficult for him to tell me and he was just trying to help me feel better by letting me know that he feels the same pain that I do. "Anakin," I placed my hand on his face to bring his eyes back to mine and I wiped away his tears as he's done for me. He understood my pain and now it was my turn to comfort him, "They killed your mother, you were in pain and you made a mistake. But since then you have done nothing but good. Don't let one thing you've done define who you are."

He smiled sadly as he placed his hand over mine, "You should take your own advice."

"I'm different, I've done nothing but horrible things. I have to make up for that the rest of my life." I sighed trying to push the things I've done away from my mind.

He shook his head, "Those acts weren't you though, they were Darth Izdaja, apprentice of Count Dooku." He used a his mechanical finger to poke my nose, "But now you are (y/n) (y/l/n) Jedi padawan and my girlfriend." He smirked.

I laughed, "Girlfriend? I don't remember you asking me to be anything." I teased him wanting to change the subject to something lighter and he raised his brows at me in amusement.

He grabbed me tightly in a hug with my back pressed against his stomach and he kissed me on the cheek, "Well m'lady if it's alright with you you're mine now and I'm never letting you go again."