The Wings We Share (Complete)[OLD] | Levi x OC | AoT Fanfiction

Making a Decision (Season 4, Part 19)

Hello!

To anyone reading, you all may know me as Valeri Fleur, and now I'm pretty sure I'm "Humanity's Strongest" now with Levi's.... current state.

Honestly, I've never expected myself to get this far and I'm surprised at how I'm still alive- or how I don't have any severe injuries from this like Levi. I thought my special genes were supposed to be weaker than Ackerman genes.

Maybe it's the fact that since I'm much younger than him- in an entirely different generation, despite knowing him for a long time now and being his last friend (as well as his lover), maybe it's the fact that Levi has endured so much more than me.

I've evaluated the comparisons between Levi and I because I never really thought about myself. The traits about me that are the reason I'm still alive. Levi has lost many more loved ones than me. He's felt more pain and trauma, and at the same time for many years he's had to repress his pain and suffering.

Whenever I've been traumatized from a loss, like when I lost the old Levi squad or watched Kenny die in front of my eyes (I wasn't as close to Kenny as Levi was, but I still felt pain from his death), I sometimes went through a depressed state where I tried to hold it down like Levi did with his own pain, but I always failed in keeping it away.

I think it's the fact that Levi's journey is coming to an end. He's started his journey long before I did, and I was born early enough to fit in with the younger generation (new Levi squad, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa when they were kids) but to also fit in with the older generation- who are all dead now- and I always had a harder time fitting in with them than the younger generation, but never failed. My own generation in between the older and younger generation were mediocre people that are all dead now, and never stood out to me.

Levi's only two purposes in living were to kill Zeke (of course now that Levi is this way now and I don't think he can do it on his own, I will probably do it for him before or while attempting to kill Eren) and to live for me and our son Leo. I made the same promise to Erwin to kill Zeke, but it never shadowed me like it did to Levi. I always did think about it, but I always put it away while focusing on the thing directly in front of me.

His other purpose to continue on living this painful life is that he has me and our son, his last old friend he can barely call his old friend, the last surviving member of the old Levi squad, and his lover. If I weren't here, if I never existed, Levi would most likely die and accept death as after he pulls out  his promise to Zeke- he would probably die and let go of his pain and suffering.

Now then, what am I trying to say? I have to make a decision. As I ride on the back of the flying Jaw Titan, I'm repeating this all in my head silently as the others talk, holding Levi in my arms.

In order for Levi to survive, I would have to hand off the task of killing Eren to Mikasa and the others, and then use all my remaining strength to make sure Levi survives this- his old potential and strength can't save him now by himself except at a cost. The cost could very well be his life.

If I succeed in saving Levi, I would spend the rest of my life caring for him, helping him nurture away his suffering and pain and live by his side forever. By all means, I am willing to do such a task- but if I were to fail to help him soothe his pain and suffering? He would just be living an endless hell of his pain, his horrible past where I wasn't even there for half of. This does seem unlikely, since Leo does seem to make him very happy as he is his son, but it doesn't mean this suffering for him isn't going to vanish.

My other option is that I kill Levi. End his suffering so he can finally be free, and so that he doesn't have to hurt himself any longer with this final task as it's too much for him. In the past 5 years, Levi's life has changed dramatically as he used to be the top of his game in the old, small world we've lived in for 100 years, killing all the pure Titans in finding a way to live outside the walls. If I did this, however, our son would live without a father. Levi himself has never met his biological father in his life, so he may reject to this idea since he doesn't want to do the same to his own son.