Night Changes

29

The remainder of my Sunday was spent watching chick flicks with Niall while Louis worked on the remaining mergers yet to be finalized through the legal department for SE. Louis sat at the kitchen table, hunched over paperwork, while Niall and I cried while watching any sob story movie we could find on TV. I have no idea why we were watching these movies, considering I was already upset and spent a lot of time crying recently, but for some reason it helped.

Harry sent me a few texts during the day, but I didn’t respond. I noticed he also texted Louis and Niall, although neither of them would let me know what he said. As soon as I saw his name on their phones, they would turn away from me.  I was tempted to tackle Niall and steal his phone, but I decided to just let it be.

I had called Lily just after lunch, explaining that I was staying with Louis and Niall for a few days.  I told her Harry and I had fought, but left out the part where he grabbed me. I knew she would freak out, and I really didn’t want to have yet another person who what happened. I hated keeping it from her, but at the same time, there were some things that you just didn’t spread around. Even to your oldest friend.

“You can stay here, you know,” she said, obviously worried.

“I know,” I said. “But Im okay here.”

“You’re staying with two boys.” She pointed out. “One of whom is Niall. You know you’re going to end up cleaning up after them half the time.”

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “They’ve been great, Lil, so don’t pick on them just yet.”

I went to bed early that night, feeling a little better than I had the night before. Niall had kept me busy most of the day, whether with movies or board games. He seemed to want to keep my mind occupied so that I didn’t just sit around and worry about Harry. It worked, surprisingly, and by the time I crawled into bed, I realized that I hadnt spent the entire day wallowing like I thought I would.

Now, in the darkness of the bedroom, I was left to my thoughts.

I found myself wondering what Harry was doing right then. Was he sitting in the living room, watching TV? Did he make dinner, or just order in? What did he do during the day?

Was he thinking about me right now, like I was thinking about him? Had he thought about everything that happened, and understand why I left? Does he understand why I cant come back yet?

Is he ready to change? To go back to the man I love?  Is he able to step back from all the stress he put on himself, and do as Louis suggested? Delegate more tasks, and not have such a need to control everything so much. Was he ready to admit that he was wrong?

These questions slid through my mind for over an hour, all of which I had no answers for. The only way I would get answers was to talk to Harry, but I knew I wasn’t ready. He was all consuming, the way he took me over. He captivated me, and I only realized once away from him just how much my entire life revolved around him. My days were my own, and yet, they were spent thinking of him. What was he doing? What did he need? When would he be home? I needed to step back, to reorient myself, apart from him.