Night Changes

21

My body felt like a strange combination of weightless and stone. Where my body felt as if I could float away, a cold rush rising from my legs upwards through my veins, my feet felt like they were sunken in concrete. My mind had gone blank the moment I had said hello, all other possible forms of communication leaving me in a rush. My heart was hammering in my chest, my mouth dry.

My eyes remained fixated on the man who not only broke my heart, but shattered my life in New York. He was the reason I left, all those months ago. It was because of him that I ran away from everything I knew, and started over. He was that catalyst.

I had never planned on returning to New York with any form of permanency, so the idea of running into Ryan again had honestly never crossed my mind. Of course, there were those nights I would fantasize of him showing up in London as I was walking down the street with Harry, watching his face take in my new mate. I knew it was childish, to think of throwing Harry in his face, but isn’t that what ex girlfriends did? Fantasized about sticking it to the man who broke you?

But never had I considered it to ever be a possible reality. Never had I thought about what it would be like to be caught off guard, found on the street by him after all this time, unprepared and without Harry at my side.  The thought of Harry made my stomach tighten further, because where in my fantasies we were in our glorious, love thrown bliss, right now we were distant and silent.

None of this was how I ever thought it would be.

I observed him silently, noting the small changes that happen to a person over the course of a year. His hair was a little shorter, his skin a little paler than I remembered. He seemed shorter in stature, but maybe that was because I was used to Harry, who seemed to tower over me all the time. He wore a white button down under a light navy suit, a messenger bag slung across his body. His blue eyes regarded me with surprise, and if I wasn’t mistaken, hope.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, breaking the silence. I honestly didn’t know how long we had stood there.

I cleared my throat, willing my voice not to fail me now.

“I’m back,” I said, before mentally face palming myself. “Just for a few months.”

Ryan smiled slightly, a gentle twitch of the corner of his mouth, before he stopped himself.

I knew him. I knew him well enough to know the things going through his mind. Even though I had no doubt he was surprised to see me here, I could also tell from his expression that my appearance in his life again gave him some form of hope.

His appearance in my life, however, gave me some form of nausea and indigestion.

“That’s great,” he said, his voice laced with anticipation.

I tried to control my emotions, keeping myself in check. I didn’t want him to know how much his presence still bothered me. I didn’t want him to know that being this close to him after everything still had an effect on me. I didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.