Night Changes

32

The next few days passed in a strange, desensitized blur. I went through the motions of my day, getting up, having breakfast, going to work, doing errands, hanging with the guys. All the things that constituted forming a life for myself apart from Harry, and yet, I didn’t feel like I was living it. It was all distorted in a way, as if I was looking down on myself, watching myself going through the motions, but it never really seemed like a reality. I didn’t want I should, and said what I should, but none of it really…..was.

Harry and I texted on and off over those days. Things were a little awkward, very distant and casual. I don’t think either of us really knew what to say to each other, considering the current climate we found ourselves in in terms of our relationship. If we were too flirty, it would seem pushy. If we were too reserved, it would seem cold. We were in an awkward limbo that neither of us really knew how to navigate just yet.

Most of my time that wasn’t spent at work, was spent hanging out with Louis and Niall. Louis had been right, and things did seem to be slowing down at SE now that the majority of the expansion had been settled and arranged. Louis was home earlier from work, and we were able to hang out, watching TV or just chatting.  Niall would pop in and out, always seeming to have something to do, even though he was the one member of our London group who didn’t have an actual job in New York.  He kept himself busy with checking out various establishments and looking into legalities around what he would be able to implement back home.

He was schedule to have to return to London by the end of next week, since he had already been in New York with us for longer than he planned. As much as he enjoyed the New York atmosphere, he had to return back home and run his bar.

“I bet those fucking wankers gave away all my damn booze,” he muttered one evening when trying to make his plans to return home.

“Niall, you gave away a shit lot when you were there, too. Don’t blame Sean and Olly for that shit.” Louis mentioned, his eyes never lifting from the pages of the document in front of him.

The only response from Niall to that was a muttering ‘fucking wankers.’

I had gone to lunch with Lily on Wednesday, trying to form some façade of normality. It was difficulty, however, to go the entire time without really telling her what had happened between Harry and I. I told her we fought about the fact I didn’t tell him about Ryan showing up in my life again, and that I had just had enough. I needed space from him. That I had confronted him on his behavior over the last few weeks, and it hadnt gone well.

I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her that he had grabbed me, almost forcing himself on me. I wouldn’t tell her that about him. As much as I was still angry, I couldn’t stand the thought of her opinion of him being affected by this one time event. It was a horrible act, I knew that. But still, I hated her knowing, and having it color Harry in a negative way in her mind. That that one act could erase all the loving, amazing things he had done.

It was funny how that seemed to happen. That someone could be an amazing person, doing all the right things and trying to be a good person over all. And with one mistake, one error in judgment, it all changed. People don’t always remember all the good you do, but they sure remember your faults.

I listened to her talk about Zayn, and how he was planning on returning home to London at the end of next week along with Niall. All the systems and IT for the new SE expansion were all up and running, and Zayn had to get back to London.  She admitted she hated the thought of him leaving, even though they had fought every damn day since he arrived.