Night Changes

20

The warm summer sun beat down on my skin like a gentle kiss. The breeze in the New York air blew my hair across my face, but I didn’t bother removing it. I didn’t care.

Usually I would love this weather. I loved spring and summer. I relished in the warm sun, the gentle breeze, the fact I didn’t have to spent twenty minutes dressing to go outside like I was going on an Antarctic expedition every time I left the house. But right now I felt nothing. I felt numb, with the exception of the ache in my chest and the knot in my stomach.

After my fight with Harry the night before, I sat on the couch staring out at the New York skyline, the tears falling steadily from my eyes on their own accord. I didn’t weep or sob, but they continued to fall as I sat there with a blank expression.

We had fought before, so it wasn’t like this was my first experience with us not getting along. But this was the first time he had yelled at me, cussing me out and blocking me from him. He had never, ever, treated me this way, and I honestly didn’t know how to handle it.

Like I said before. This man wasn’t my Harry.

I fell asleep on the couch well after midnight, long after my eyes had run dry. I couldn’t bring myself to go to bed, to crawl in beside him like none of this had happened. It was a big bed, and I knew we could go the whole night without touching. We had for weeks. But still, the act of being in that bed with him felt like a farse. A mockery to the relationship we had.

Harry was already gone to work by the time I woke the next morning, still on the couch, my back aching. I was still in the position I had fallen asleep in, apart from the blanket that had been draped over me. Harry must have done it some time in the night, or maybe in the morning as he was leaving.

He never woke me to say goodbye.

Now I was on my way to work, distracted, heartbroken and numb.

I considered calling Louis, needing someone who knew us both to talk to. But I decided against it, considering the delicate nature of their rekindled friendship. I hoped this bump in the road would pass, and didn’t want to do any damage to Harry and Louis’ friendship over this matter. They had to work together, and causing discord now would only cause more stress and anger in Harry. I didn’t need to deal with giving him yet another reason to shut me out.

I had texted Lily this morning asking her to meet me for lunch after my classes. I had one at nine and another at eleven, but would be able to meet up with her by twelve thirty. I needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen, give some advice, and probably cuss him out a bit. But above all, I needed someone who wouldn’t talk to Harry about it, which would only make it worse. No one else in my life, who knew both of us, could fill that role but Lily.

My class passed in a blur, and where I would normally enjoy the workout and find the stretches relaxing, I found myself distracted and annoyed. I knew that was residual anger from last night, and it only increased my irritation that he had not only treated me as he had, but was now pissing me off without even being around.

I made my way to the small deli we used to frequent in midtown just before twelve thirty, and was happy to find that Lily was already there. So long as I was moving and active I was able to cope. I was distracted, yes, but I didn’t get ragingly upset. Until I was left alone with my idle mind, and then I would work myself up into a frenzy, as I had a tendency to do.