Mr Popular Is Keeping Me A Secret

Chapter 25: Slow

•Part 25•

I wasn't myself that's for sure. For the past couple of days I've felt slightly empty. Like I was missing something. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was though. I wasn't depressed. I just didn't feel complete.

Neither of my best friends had school today so we decided to meet up at our favourite cafe after I finished school.

They were already sitting at our usual table. "Hey guys."

"You look nice today." Melissa smiled. I looked down at my outfit. A black and grey long sleeve top, black skinny jeans and black leather ankle boots with cut ankle was really nothing special, although my shoes did have a gold sole. Then again, dressing appropriately to my mood was kind of my thing. And today it was grey.

"Thanks." I smiled taking my seat.

"How was school?" Poppy asked.

I shrugged. "No change."

"Did you see Sean?"

I nodded. "Yeah we have English together."

"What about Hamilton?" Poppy asked.

I suddenly felt a twist in my stomach which made me feel really uncomfortable. "No. And I don't want to."

"Are you okay?" Melissa asked.

"I'm fine." I dismissed. "How's you and Peter?"

She shrugged. "Good I guess. We're taking it slow."

Poppy laughed. "Same with me and Dylan but apparently Lucy here doesn't know what that means."

I looked at my best friend confused. And suddenly it all came back to me. The night I spent with Liam before he rejected me. The amount of times we broke up and got back together. I mean, it had never left my mind but I had been doing well at keeping it on the far back of my mind. Unfortunately Poppy's comment opened up the walls and let the thoughts through to the front.

I could feel my heart speeding up and I knew tears were next, so I picked up my bag, and looked at my best friends. "I'm sorry." With that I sped out of the cafe. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I left silently and quickly jumped in my car before driving home.

I didn't know what had just happened. It was too much. Too much to remember all at once. It had taken me weeks of mental strength to get rid of those thoughts and memories and to hide them, and now just like that they were back, crashing every obstacle in their way.

As soon as I got closes my front door behind me, I slid down the length of it and let the tears flow. What was happening to me? I felt so weak. I was so weak. This wasn't me. I never let things like this get to me--

A knock on the door made me jump away from the door. I knew who it was. I wasn't sure whether I wanted my best friends to see me in this state but I had to explain myself.

I quickly wiped away my tears with my sleeve and opened the door. "I'm sorry guys I shouldn't have--"

"I'm so sorry Lucy!" Poppy exclaimed. "I didn't mean to upset you! I wasn't talking about the sex. I meant that yesterday we had that talk and we were joking about me taking it slow. I was referring to that. Please know that I'll never judge you for your choices! Lucy I'm so sorry--"

"Poppy!" I shouted over her. "It wasn't that. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't?" She asked startled.

I shook my head. "Why are we standing here? Come in." My best friends followed me to the kitchen.

"What's going on Lucy? This isn't like you to just burst into tears in a public place for no reason." Melissa pointed out. "Something's wrong."

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Lucy there--"

"Guys I seriously don't know." I explained. "I feel so wierd lately. Like I'm not myself. Like --"

"You're missing something?" Poppy finished.

I nodded. "I can't figure it out. But it's killing me and I'm just getting drained day by day. When you made that comment Poppy, I know you didn't mean it in that way, but the night came back to me and I just felt so weak. How stupid was I to sleep with him? What was I thinking?!"

Poppy sighed. "Luce, could it be possible that Hamilton is what you're missing?"

I shook my head in denial. "No no. I'm over him--"

"If you were over him this wouldn't be happening. You wouldn't care about that night and you wouldn't be feeling this way Lucy." Melissa pointed out.

They were right. And I've known for some time now but I was in denial. I wanted to get over him. To forget. But that was never going to happen completely.

I sighed. "I miss Liam."

"Lucy--"

"I know he's hurt me Melissa, but he saved my life, he stood up for me when no one else did, he actually cared about me - sure it was only when we were alone, but that meant so much. I can't just forget that in a matter of weeks." My voice was cracking.

"Luce, have you fallen for him?" Poppy asked startled.

I shook my head. "Oh god no! No no! It wasn't that serious. Although I probably should have waited for it to be before I slept with him, that would have saved me some pain."

"So where do you guys stand?"

I shrugged. "He was an important part of my life. In a way, I feel like the secretive relationship made it more intimate, making it so much harder to forget."

"Could you ever forgive him?" Poppy asked.

"He hasn't cheated on me, which in my books is unforgivable. He took advantage of me though, and that hurts so much more." I bit my tears back. "I don't know what to do."

"Lucy, just let it be. Let yourself miss him. It won't last forever, and the more you get used to it the faster the feeling will go away." Melissa told me.

"It's better than trying to hide it so it creeps up on you occasionally." Poppy added.

They were right. I had to just deal with my feelings. I missed him. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

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http://www.polyvore.com/miss_liam/set?id=126479726&lid=3706920