HΣIШΔ

results

the teacher was purposely being annoying as fuck. he kept tapping his damn finger, and though i don't normally get distracted by stupid shit, these uncomfortable chairs just pissed me off and made me more aware of my surroundings while trying to focus on the test.

'i have to make shizu-nii and kasu-nii proud of me. if i can at least do my best and make them proud, i'll try harder'

unfortunately for me, the questions kept getting harder and harder for me. i knew that the exams at this school were hard as fuck, but seriously, this is just fucking stupid.

eventually, i was able to answer the questions. even though i did leave a few blank, not purposely, but i did the best i could.

that one question, though, was the end of my hopeful wishing.

and everything i had tried to do fell apart

———

getting the results back, i stare at the papers in my hands.

'they'll never be proud of me'

i was about to pack my stuff up and leave when the octopus slithered in, apologizing and stuff for not preparing us for this whole thing.

'it's not your damn fault that man is a bastard. it's not your fault i failed. it's my own, and i'm just a disappointment to the only two people in this world i've ever fully relied on and care for their opinions'

karma threw a knife at him before walking up to the podium and throwing his results in front of the octopus, and i knew immediately that he had done better than the rest of us.

'he obviously did better than me. i'm just some dumb girl that can't control her temper and always resorts to fighting when she doesn't get her way'

i didn't bother getting up to look at his results with the rest of the class. i just put away my stuff and threw the papers in my bag before walking away. none of them actually noticed, though, being too caught up in laughing with each other at that thing.

'i don't deserve to be their little sister, anyway. kasuka is amazing and successful, he's a movie star for gods sake! shizuo is a known tough guy that actually did well in school despite being a delinquent, and nobody messes with him unless they wanna end up dead. why can't i be better?'

getting back to my apartment, i throw my bag across the room and cover my eyes with my hands, trying to stop myself from crying.

'i can't cry, i just can't. i'm not weak, i will not be seen as weak!'

but you're stupid

you failed

there's no way they'll be proud of you, now

you disappoint them

shizuo sent you away because he didn't want to put up with you

kasuka left you because he was tired of you always annoying him

they hate you