Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 12: Him

5 weeks before

It's just one of those days again wherein I couldn't seem to put up with my own mind. Half the time I always seem to be pretty much zoned out about everything, and I couldn't just focus on whatever I have to do. I can't quite finish a certain thing, or just be really serious about it. I hate that I'm being like this, but all the things in my mind won't just stop bothering me and I guess I could say it's really fucking me up big time.

For the past few days, things were really rough. I didn't know, or even think even just a bit that the incident with the girl I got into a fight with would be viral and all over the internet within a matter of hours. Although I knew that shitloads of paparazzi will be around me like all of the time, I didn't even let that sink into my mind at that time. I was all focused on going out and getting my girlfriend a gift, that I didn't come to think of what could possibly happen at any time that day. Some fuckers took pictures of me with the girl, which I suppose is Keira, and posted all of the pictures on the internet. The moment that Glenn showed me the pictures, I immediately got pissed. Not only because the pictures were posted online, but because it was shown differently according to how they took the pictures and made it look somewhat really and incredibly different from the whole and actual situation. I, myself, know that we are fighting off and actually almost about to kill each other that day, but the fucking paps made it look like that we're actually trying to have some fun and even added that I was insisting to buy her the necklace but she didn't want. Such a new cute couple right? This is really making me mad, but if I'm really going to think about it, it's still all my fault. Why didn't I come to think of the paparazzi that would be around me that day? Why did I even try to fight with a stupid bitch over a necklace? Things had been really hard for me and now it's just getting complicated than what I expected. All I ever wanted in life was to be famous, but I never wanted to have it complicated like this. But what can I do? Life will always be fucking unfair, and I just always have to put up with everyone's shit all the time and pretend that it's not affecting even a single piece of me. That's what I'm good at, right?

I just hope she won't find out about this.

*

My eyes shot open quickly the moment I woke up. I fell asleep on the floor, still wearing the exact same clothes I have on since our band practice. I feel so tired, even though all I did was practice and try some new bass riffs and write a bit of some new tunes and all that stuff. I could clearly sense that my best friends can notice how I'm being somehow distant at things, especially Michael. I don't even know how to explain why I'm being really off to a lot of stuff, but it happens. I barely hang out, and just focus more on what I'm actually here for. I'm here for the music, for the whole tour, for my job, and I guess for who I am. But I don't know. I sometimes hate to admit it, that this is me. This is what I've become. This isn't me. I am not an indecisive person. I never had doubts on everything. I hate being torn into the things that I love the most. I hate it. I just fucking hate it.

After getting changed into my boxers, I flopped down immediately to my bed and I was totally shocked to see what welcomed me into phone screen. Kristen had been calling me while I was asleep, and I totally feel really bad about not answering any of it. A bit of relief engulfed my heavy chest when I saw a notification about a voicemail coming from her. I stood up and started running into the bathroom and locked myself up inside, before listening to the voicemail. I don't know why I did this, but I just felt the need to do it. I feel like I always have to hide myself from everyone whenever I do things that involves her existence.

I sat down on the toilet and plugged my earphones, casually biting my nails as I wait for the voicemail to let me hear voice once more.

"Hi." She said from the line, making me feel all the tension evident from her cracking voice. I hate it when it happens.