Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 39: Him

For some reasons I don't even know if this is the right thing to do, especially because I think it was all so dramatic to even happen. But the moment I heard her voice, letting all those four words roll out of her tongue, I dropped the bottle of beer I was holding on very tight right just down the sand and immediately stood up to face her. I looked right straight to her eyes, somehow feeling uneasy about the fact that she has tears falling down from her eyes. I took a deep breath and sighed. I may not know where this entire situation is going to end up, but I feel like I have a huge idea about what she was talking about.

"Keira, I—," I stammered, feeling suddenly lost for words.

I can feel my insides trembling, my fingers turning cold and blue. I never wanted seeing anyone in this kind of state, especially because I know why and who's the reason why she— and also her— is hurting too much like this.

It's me.

"I'm sorry." I said, and looked down.

Keira let out a sad kind of laugh, her eyes looking up at nowhere in particular, then let her fingers play with the hem of her sweater just like what she always do whenever she feels tensed.

"Look Calum," She paused, sighing. "You don't have to be sorry for this entire thing. This... entire bullshit that Glenn made up to fuck all of us over. Damn, he's such an absolute dickface."

"Yeah that... that motherfucker. Oh god, I've been dying to say that to someone about him for ages. This feels good." I let out a light laugh, somehow feeling the need to do that to lighten up the tension between us. "Can we take a walk?" I asked.

"No, Cal." She quickly replied. "Whatever that has stop, it has to stop now. I don't—" Keira was tearing up, and I have to admit that for some quite reasons I hate seeing her this way. But then, I don't even understand why I just can't pull all myself together just to hold her, or caress her to make sure she'll be okay. Something inside me just keeps on stopping every inch of me.

"Fuck, sorry." She continued, trying all her might to stop herself from crying. "I don't wanna go for walks and shit with you anymore, okay? Like, what are you exactly trying to do? Murder me? Stop being so romantic and all that stuff because I know everything already, Cal. I want to talk to you but let's just settle things, like all things right here, right now, having this enough distance between us because I don't know if I could even get close to you anymore."

I looked away, then set my eyes on the fire just a few feet away from me. I sat down on the ground, having nothing to say in return but just, "Okay."

Keira kept her distance from me and sat down the sand as well, leaving the both of us completely silent and hearing nothing but the sound of the wind and waves of the ocean. After a few minutes, I heard her clearing her throat and that's when I know that I have to prepare myself too for everything that's going to come right hitting me in the face.

"Calum." She said.

I faced her, her eyes welling up in tears. "Yeah?"

"You're an asshole."

I looked down. "Yeah, I mean I... I get that a lot."

"No like, the lead fucking asshole of all the assholes in this entire planet."

My eyes just settled down in nothing in particular, giving all my ears to her, because I know she have lots of something to say.

"You could have just told me, you know. About... you and your photographer. About everything."

No name was even said, but I felt my heart started beating uneven that I had to lower my head down even more. Keira just kept on talking, leaving me speechless and silent.