Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 7: Her

3 weeks after

My eyes stared blankly at the ceiling of my room as I lay down lazily in my messy bed. My days had been pretty much boring, consisting of only my job that isn't being on pitch and my social life that isn't really sociable anymore. To keep my mind away from self-torturing thoughts, I came up with catching up with things these past few days. I visited my dad and stayed there for two days. I wish I could just stay there until I feel so much better, but unfortunately I can't. I have some job, and even though it's not being really on my side, I'm still being patient enough to get to what I'm dreaming about. Spending time with my father was really nice. It's very heartwarming to feel at home for at least two days. We did things that made me feel like I'm seven again, that made me miss my brother even more. My dad told me stories about what's going on with his life, and I was actually really happy to find out that he had found someone to be at his side when he needs someone. I'm happy that someone is starting to make him happy again, and I suppose god knows how much I want him to be happy. He asked about mine too, but I remained silent and tried to just change whatever we were talking about. I am just lost for words, for whatever this is, for whatever is happening. Calum and I barely talk, just only through sending late night text messages and a few snaps or pictures. It's been getting hard to contact him, and I don't know what's going on. I hate admitting negative thoughts in my head, but I can't also deny the fact that it's what is happening.

Things are really changing.

I rolled over to the right side of my bed, closing my eyes as the sad thoughts started invading my stupid mind again. I guess it's safe to say that I miss Calum so much, and it's really getting hard for me as each day passes by. The days are getting harder and the nights are getting sadder, and I hate that I can't do anything to fight off my sad thoughts all the time. I don't have anyone to run up to when I feel like crying, and it's killing me inside. I wish I could do something, even just a little. Even though I want to get rid of these thoughts, it's just getting harder everyday to get rid of him inside my head.

My phone suddenly caught my attention as I looked over to my bed side table. Ideas started flooding in, and I somehow admit that I don't like it. But I thought that maybe if I do something, something that is really quite interesting, I might be able to stop over thinking and be relaxed even just for a day. I know how much I need it. Hell, I want it. I want to free my mind. I want to laugh, I want to feel awesome. Even just for a day, maybe this would do.

I slowly sat up from my bed, typing slowly on my phone as the thoughts of doing it or not doing it started a war inside my head. I mean, yeah it's been a lot of weeks hanging out with the exact same person, but why do I still feel weird around him? I hate the fact that I've known him for so long yet I just started feeling some kind of way around him. I don't understand. It's not that I hate being around him or I hate him being around me but, I really don't know. Zac is just this person who tends to make me feel... weird. Not uncomfortable nor bad, but weird.

The moment I hit send, I tossed my phone somewhere beneath me sheets and I flopped down again on my bed, covering my face with my pillow. I know I'm acting like a complete idiot, but I don't even get it why I'm being like this. I feel like I'm nervous or something. I'm afraid that he'll reject me for asking him to hang out, or he'll simply say he doesn't want to hang out with me. I don't know why I'm being like this. Maybe mind had settled far on being negative for a lot of situations already.

After a few minutes, I felt my phone vibrate and I swear I felt my heart skip a bit for what happened. I don't why I'm acting this way, but I choose not to think about it anymore. A smile escaped from my mouth as my phone notified me that Zac replied on my text, but it quickly faded away as I read what it says.