We are stronger together

- 24 - Daddy

The ride home from the hospital was quiet. Lou was asleep and I was deep in thought about what would be next. I felt like my emotions were a mess.

I wondered what Taron thought we were to each other. We definitely weren't friends. But were we lovers?

We arrived at his place and I had even more questions. We had talked about me staying there for a while, but not forever. Only until I would find my own place. Where would that lead us?

I took the infant carrier from the car and watched Lou who was still sleeping. Taron took my bag and the rest of our things and we headed upstairs.

"Do you think we should lay her down?" Taron asked once we reached his hallway.

"I think she'll probably wake up soon because she is hungry" I glanced at my watch.

I last fed her almost two hours ago.

Taron nodded. He seemed nervous. I couldn't believe he was still in his clothes from the day of birth, which was two days ago now. But he didn't seem to mind and neither did I.

Yet I wanted to give him some time to care for himself.

"Do you want to take a shower?" I asked "I'll handle everything here. Maybe you can help me put her down after I fed her?"

Taron raised his eyebrows at me and smiled "Do I stink?"

I laughed "No, you don't"

In fact, I felt like he was more beautiful than ever.

"All right" he smiled "I'll be right back"

He looked at us over his shoulder before he disappeared into the bathroom.

As if on cue Lou started stirring. She slowly moved her hands to her mouth and started sucking. I had learnt that was a sign she was hungry.

I could watch her for hours though. She was the cutest little thing.

And thinking about how my body created and grew her was such a surreal thing.

I picked her up from the carrier and swayed her in my arms as I walked to her room. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

Her eyes were green with a hint of brown, so similar to Taron's eyes. I prayed she would keep that eye colour. It would always be a reminder of her dad.

I stared back at her as I lightly caressed her head and we sat down in one of the lounge chairs together.

"Look at your room, Lou" I whispered. "That's all for you. Your daddy made it for you"

I looked around the room and was still as happy as I was when Taron first showed it to me. It was every girl's fantasy. I really hoped Lou would love it as much as I did and I was sure she would.

For now, she just cared about sleep and feeding.

And I had no sleep and felt like a milk farm.

It was worth it though. Every split-second I spend with her seemed to last a lifetime.

I latched her on and I could feel her starting to suck. She felt comfortable and I could hear and see her swallowing. I lay my head back against the lounge chair and tried to relax. I still had to get used to this and it was painful at some times.

I had read a lot about how Lou and I would both have to get used to it. And my nipples definitely weren't used to all that sucking. They felt sore and it had me worrying I did something wrong.

I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that the baby had grown inside of me for so long and now she was here. I missed her kicking, at least in the early stages of pregnancy, but I loved to have her in my arms.