STORY OF THE CHUBBY

STORY OF THE CHUBBY 23

some people are lost in their heads, some people are lost in their hearts, and some people feel so lost they find the most beautiful places, that some of us will never live to fill.r.m. drake

I’m not trying too hard. I’m not trying too hard. I’m not trying too hard. I’m not trying too hard... Okay maybe I am. But if one of the popular guys in high school confessed to have a little interest in you then maybe you’d also go out of your way to look a tad bit more presentable.

 I stood in front of the full length mirror of my room and turned from side to side to get a better view of how I looked. I looked very different from how I usually dress. First of all, my hair was down. I felt weird, since I was always so used to having it up all the time except when I was home maybe. I had washed it in the morning in the shower, dried it and pinned only one side and let the other side free. I had on this really pretty chiffon with blue and pink flowers on it and my dark wash jeans with a pair of black strappy sandals. Out of my zone? Totally!

I’m so pale, I thought scrunching up my nose in distaste. I should get out more maybe. I sighed heavily. That isn’t helping my confidence boost...

Before I convinced myself out of this, I took my bag and walked out of my room to get breakfast.

I hurried out of the house because I did not want to meet Mum. I guessed what I said yesterday was harsh. True, but harsh. I wanted to avoid any negative energy and that included any awkwardness I’d face with my mother. As always, there was no such luck today. I had just made it out of the front door when I heard her voice behind me.

‘Cecelia?  Aren’t you going to have breakfast?’

I cringed and turned back slowly to face her, faking a small smile at her, ‘No... I had, um, something to do in school with, um, people.’

The way I said it made it sound like a question. She raised an eyebrow at me that seemed to say ‘I don’t believe a word you say, young lady now get in the house now.’

I sighed and walked back in the house to the kitchen. There were pancakes on the table and my tea waiting for me.

‘What’s this?’ I asked looking back at her. She looked a bit nervous as she motioned for me to sit. I sat down and she sat across from me. ‘Mum...are you okay?’

She looked as if she was about to cry. ‘Is it something I said?’ I asked when she didn’t reply. She was looking down at a napkin, her face getting redder. ‘Mum?’

‘Oh Cecelia,’ she cried, looking at me, tears brimming in her eyes. No, no, no, I thought panicked. No! I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for this emotional heart-to-heart talk with her.

‘I’m sorry... I’m so sorry for not being the mum you needed. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were not loved or wanted,’ she said, her tears flowing down her cheeks.

‘Mum, it’s okay,’ I said, awkwardly, not knowing what to say to her or how to comfort her.

‘No it’s not okay...From now on I’m going to really be there in your life... I-I can’t lose you too,’ she said, her voice catching on the last part.

‘But you already did,’ I said in a low voice, not really intending to be heard. But of course she heard me. I felt a hand on mine and when I looked up at her, I saw the determined look on her face.

‘No I haven’t. No I haven’t, Cecelia. I’m going to make it right,’ she said, her voice firm like the grip she had on my hand right now.

‘It won’t be easy,’ I challenged. ‘You hardly know me...who I am.’