CUT

Chapter 7

"Are you a cutter?" Cole repeats hysterically. 

I'm frozen to the spot. Its over, its all over. Cole is gonna tell Lana about my cutting and shes gonna send me away to a rehabilitation center where they will never let me have a normal life. I cant belive I messed this up. I should have never came tonight, I should have never started to hang out with Cole in the first place.

I should have never tried to be happy. 

Cole stares at me in desperation. "Sabrina answer me!" He exclaims. He looks totally upset. He's upset that I wasn't perfect... that I had something terribly wrong with me that I could barely control. He's gonna pity me and he'll never look at me the same ever again. 

"Yes." I say barely a whisper. Around us its silent, all I can hear is the wind around us. Cole looks pained. "I'm sorry Cole..." 

"I'm sorry too." He says. 

So its over? Hes just gonna gonna leave me alone. What did I expect? Cole and I have only known each other for a couple of weeks; hes not gonna do anything but leave after finding out somthing as bad as this. 

"Please don't tell anyone..." I whisper to him. 

I know that i'm not gonna have Cole in my life anymore but he can't tell Lana or anybody. I can lose this life but I cant lose my old life as well. Lana is pregnant, if she finds this out shes gonna die. She has too much stress in her life; I have to do my part and make things as easy for her as possible. 

Cole is silent. 

"Cole you cant tell anybody." I say louder. "I understand if you want to leave me and forget you ever met and i'm sorry for being this way but you cant tell a soul about this. I'll do anything Cole." Cole just stares at me. "Please? I'll even ignore you, i'll stay out of your way." 

Cole shakes his head. "You'll do anything?" He asks. 

"Yes." I say pleadingly. 

"Stop cutting." He states. 

"I cant do that..." I mumble pained. Tears start rolling down my eyes. "I need to cut I have to..." 

"No you don't." Cole whispers. "There are so many other more healthy things you can do than cut Sabrina." 

"You dont understand..." I whisper. "I cant stop." 

"I understand very much Sabrina." Cole says taking my shoulder with his hands. "You can stop; i'll help you." 

"No!" I scream. I push him away and I take a step back. "You don't understand! If I don't cut i'm gonna die. I'll KILL myself!" 

Cole looks shell shocked and pained and I feel so sorry for him. 

 "I'm sorry Cole..." I mumble. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this." 

I take my bag and I run away leaving Cole calling out my name farther and farther behind me.

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There once was a lonely princess. She lived in a high tower and never had any interaction with anyone. She was miserable and depressed and wanted to die. 

So she did. The end. 

I wish I could be like that princess; just end my life just like that. If I was like her then I probably would; but i'm not. I actually have people I care about in my life. For example Lana and Brian. 

If I commited suicide Lana would have a break down and blame herself and Brian would probably die from his 'always moving' defection. 

So the thing is - even though I really want to - I can't kill myself. For now i'm gonna stick to cutting.

What do I want to be when i grow up?

Some would say a doctor or a lawyer or even a fireman. But as for me...

When I grow up I wanna be dead.

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 "Brian... I have something to tell you." I hear Lana say downstairs. 

This is it. 

"What is it cupcake? Is everything okay?" Brian asks. 

"I don't know." Lana says truthfully. Brian waits patiently for Lana to say what she needs to say. "I'm pregnant." 

What happened next is something that I knew both Lana and I did not expect. 

Brian did not jump and cheer for the new baby; he didn't even act a little nervous but reassured Lana. 

First there was some yelling, then I heard some things breaking and the next thing I knew the door was being slammed shut and Lana was downstairs crying. 

I run downstairs immediately to see the horrific scene. Lana was on the ground and a broken vase was splattered everywhere. Lana's face was red and she was softly sobbing. 

"I'm sorry Sabrina." She says softly sensing my presence. "He didn't want the baby. And now..." Lana starts ti cry more violentely. 

I run over next to her and hold her in my arms. 

"I'm so sorry!" She sobs. 

"I am too." I whisper. 

I'm sorry we have a messed up life. That we have to live like this. I'm sorry you couldn't live in a big mansion and have a beautiful baby. 

I'm sorry you lost your husband and i'm sorry you lost you parents. 

I'm sorry I could'nt leave instead of them.

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This is so sad... And it reflects the sad mood i'm right now. I'm sorry for not uploading!