CUT

Chapter 4

I was sitting on my desk in Honors Chemistry. I was the first one in the classroom. I always get to class early. I never have anything else to do. No friends to talk to in between classes. I don't go to my locker for books because I always keep them in my backpack. No social life = get to class early. 

"Sabrina!" A voice calls out to me. Huh? I don't know anybody here. Well not friendly enough for them to randomly call my name as if were buddies. I look up from my notes I was reviewing and there was Cole with a bright smile on his face walking towards me. "Hey Sabrina." 

"Hi." I say softly managing a tiny smile. 

"Mind if I sit here?" He asks sitting on the seat next to me anyway. 

"It's a free country." I say shrugging my shoulders. Cole turns and looks at me still smiling brightly. I can practically see the future laugh lines forming. I suddenly feel nervous and blush under his stare. 

"Whatchya doin?" Cole asks me. I stare down at the notes I was studying. I memorized it already but I still look over them to keep busy. 

"Um... studying my notes." I tell him. 

"Wow. Seriously?" He asks me. "You must be dedicated to your school work." 

"Something like that." I mumble. We go through class with Cole sending me smiles occasionally and I sometimes smiled back. When the bell rang I packed up ready to go.

"Can I walk you home?" Cole asks. This caught me off guard and I did a double take.

"Huh?" I say.

"Can I walk you home." he says smiling and more slowly.

"Um... yeah, okay." I say nodding my head profusely. I blink my eyes a few times and my hands are shaking.

Your probably thinking that i'm overeacting but this kind of thing never happens to me. I'm a little shocked. I grab my backpack and I walk out of the classroom with Cole. When we get to the courtyard Cole stops me. 

"Wait here a sec." He says. I nod and he walks away. I busy myself by playing with my fingers while students push pass me. Cole comes back a second later but not alone. He has a blond haired girl who faintly looks like him with him and a tall brunette guy who was wearing geeky glasses. Tacky but cool. 

I just stare at them confused. "Sabrina this is my little sister Leslie and my best friend Carson." Cole says smiling. "Guys this is Sabrina." 

"Sabrina!" Leslie exclaims crushing my in a bear hug and catching me off guard. Touchy. "It's so nice to meet you!" 

"Leslie your freaking her out." Carson mumbles. "Hey." He adds directed to me. 

I smile shyly. "Um.. hi." I say softly. 

"I hope you don't mind Sabrina, but they're gonna accompany us on our walk." Cole says smiling. 

"Um, I don't mind." I say. I should've known that Cole meant nothing romantic by his offer. I mean come on, were just friends. And I want that. Right? 

We all start walking and Leslie starts chatting sensibly while we listen. She can really talk. 

"So Sabrina, how come I haven't seen you around?" Leslie asks.

"I... I moved here a couple of months ago..." I say softly.  

"Really?" Leslie asks. "Wow, never knew! Oh I want to meet your parents!" I do a double take. 

"Huh?" I ask. 

"I want your folks to know who your new best friend is!" She exclaims locking arms with me. 

"Um..." I trail off. "My parents... they're dead..." Leslie eyes widen and she starts freaking out. 

"What?!" She exclaims. Tears get in Leslie's eyes and she starts sobbing. She puts her head in Carson's shirt. 

"I didn't know your parents died." Cole says furrowing his eyebrows. "I'm sorry." 

"It's okay. I think you should be worrying about your sister..." I say looking at Leslie who's crying her eyes out. I never even cried that much when my parents died. 

"Oh don't worry about her she's being over dramatic." Carson says patting Leslie's back. "She always goes to hysterics about everything." 

"I'M SO SORRY SABRINA!" Leslie apoligizes, blubbering. "What happened?!" 

I freeze. "Um.. I." I start. "I-It w-was a-an a-aci-ci-d-dent." I stutter remember that night. My fists clench and unclench. 

"Sabrina?" Cole asks. "Are you okay? I'm sorry. Leslie did it involuntarily." I feel my eyes getting red. 

I need to cut. 

I bite my lip and my mouth turns twisted. Cole walks over and touches my shoulder. I start hyperventilating. "Sabrina?" He asks. 

I run.

 I run fast ignoring the voices calling after me. Since i'm a runner at heart I get to my house quickly. I run up to the condo ignoring my sister who calls my name. I run upstairs and straight to the bathroom. 

I pull up my sleeve. My arms are full of cuts there's no room there anymore. I pull up my pants. There's only a couple of scars there from the past. I take out a random razor and I cut. 

Deeper and deeper. My fist clenches around the razor. I can feel my hand starting to bleed from the pressure on the razor. Right now I don't care. I can barely feel it. I keep going deeper in my leg. Right when i'm at the point of a vein, I stop. 

I fall to the ground and I close my eyes. The first tear comes out. I'm tired. So tired. My throat is dry. For a second I don't feel anything. Nothing exists but at the same time everything does. Everything is numb. I wish I could sleep. I'm so tired. After five more minutes of just laying there I finally sit up and I look at my hand.

The razor was still there and my hand was still clenched around it. I sigh and I stand up and clean my hand in the sink. I find some gauze and I wrap it around my hand. I finally collect the courage to look at my leg. It was deep. Really deep. The only cut i've ever made that was deeper was on the night my parents died. 

I wash my cut and take out a needle and thread. I've paid enough attention in my Pre-Medical class to know how to make perfect stiches. After strelizing the cut I take out a needle and thread and I stich up my cut. When i'm done I get some gauze and I wrap it around my leg. I look in the mirror. I had red blotchy swollen eyes and my skin was paler then usual. Almost white.

I go into my room and I take out my backpack. I start the homework I have for today. I stare down at my books practically working automatically.

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