CUT

Chapter 16

Cole is getting worse.

I'm completely positive that there's something wrong with him. I keep asking but he's not letting up. He keeps making these ridiculous excuses to cover up. I know he's not going to tell me what's wrong with him so I've started to pry Leslie to tell me.

I know she knows what's wrong with him. But I also know that she's not allowed to tell me. Every time I ask she hesitates but in the end when I'm so close to getting her to let up something happens and she's able to change the subject.

Cole now wears a beanie all the time and looks... older in an elderly way. Not with wrinkles, he just seems so tired. His smile still warms my heart but the way he's been breaks my heart.

Today Cole and I are babysitting Red today. We discovered that Red's personality is picky, but loving. She will only have a bond with certain people.

She likes Lana of course. She also likes me and Cole, but she gets fussy around Leslie. She also has a distaste for Brian occasionally. Its like she knows what he did to Lana.

As for me I don't blame Red. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive Brian for what he did. Lana on the other side forgave Brian a little too fast.

I know Lana is a warm and forgiving person, but the day after Red was born she allowed Brian to come over to the house and to be with Red.

I asked Lana why she let him in so fast. She said, "I'm going to forgive him eventually, why not do it now?"

I couldn't answer her question. To tell the truth the only reason I have is that she forgave him too quickly. But Lana seemed to have recovered already, so she doesn't really have a reason.

Of course Brian could leave again. Lana claims that he probably only left because of his disorder of being worried and anxious all the time. But I'm not going to lie, he seemed really sincere about changing.

Cole was rocking Red to sleep while I watched how loving he could be with children. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how it would be if we had children together someday. Of course that would mean for us to get married. Which would also mean that he likes me back.

Yeah, Cole did kiss me. But that was months ago. He's showed no romantic actions around me since. Sure he shows that he cares about me, but nothing more.

"Cole." I say. He looks up from staring down at Red.

"Huh?"

"Remember a couple of months ago," I start. "When you kissed me?"

Cole raises his eyebrows but nods.

"Why haven't you kissed me since then?" I ask him staring down at my hands.

Cole takes a deep breath. "You wanted me to kiss you again?"

"I thought you liked me." I say pleadingly. "But you just kind of, friend-zoned me since then."

"I do like you, Sabrina." He says. "I just..."

"What?" I ask him looking up. "Why? Are you... are you repelled by me?"

"What? Why would I be repelled by you?" Cole asks me his eyebrows furrowing.

"Because of my cutting. Am I too much of a challenge to have a relationship with?" I can't stop the tears that comes out of the eyes. "I haven't cut for months you know. I stopped for you. I knew you hated to see me cut. I thought you... let me be your girlfriend if I stopped. I might not have thought about it technically, but it was in the back of my mind. I made myself believe that I was doing this for my health. But..."