CUT

Chapter 6

Blood blood blood.... 
Their dead their dead their dead....
You killed them...

"No I didn't!" I scream. 

Their dead their dead their dead....

I sob.

Your fault your fault your fault...

"I'm sorry!" I scream.

You can never sleep again..
You can never sleep again...
You can never sleep again...

"No please!"

You killed them you killed them you killed them...
Blood blood blood...
Their dead their dead their dead their dead...

They will never wake up...

You will never sleep again...

************************************

I take my razor and I run into the bathroom. I pull up my long jeans to reveal my leg; full of cuts. 

Pushing the blade into my skin I barely feel the pain. 

Deeper and deeper it goes and I watch as the blood oozes out  of my cut. 

They say that your blood is blue but when it hit oxygen it turns red. Blue and red and blue and red. I cut deeper and my flesh spreads wider and wider.

Cut, cut, cut. 

I don't even feel the pain. All I know is that i'm hurting inside and i'm attacking myself physically to numb my internal pain. Blood, everywhere; I know I should stop but instead of removing the blade from my leg, I sink to the ground and I stay completely still with the blade in my flesh. My eyes start to burn and tears trail down my face and I don't stop them.

Tonight I am going out with friends. At approximately 8 o'clock -according to Cole- were all meeting up at the movie theatre and then going out to dinner; the night will be concluded by us sitting out in the park watching the stars in the night sky while we digest. Leslie will be bringing her guy friend along. 

I look at the wall clock that -from my position on the floor- is high up on the ceiling. 

6:54 p.m. 

Time to get ready. 

I look at my hand that still had a tight grip on the blade that was wedged into my skin. Wincing I remove the blade from my flesh and I slowly stand up from off the ground. I get a sterilizing wipe from the sink counter and I carefully wipe off the blood from my leg leaving a gash as long as a crayon but very narrow. 

I take a Band-Aid out of the first aid kit in the bathroom and I patch up my cut. 

I take look in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy but other than that they were sad. Almost as sad as Cole's.

I wash my face and I take my; I leave the bathroom and I walk into my room. I push my things under my bed and I walk over to my closet.

What do I wear?

What is appropriate for something like this? I have no experience with going out with friends; unless you count that one day with Cole. What do I wear?

I look my wardrobe. All my cloths are long and cover my skin completely; I have them to keep my cuts unrevealed. Its autumn so its a little chilly outside. I'll be outside in the middle of the night eventually...

In the end I choose a long-sleeved shirt with a sweater and some long slacks; my wound isn't fully healed so its not the best idea to wear jeans.