(27) - losing weight

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losing weight part 2

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(Short Note: This is the 100th chapter of the book and I'm very happy&proud. This is going to be very meaningful to me, not only because it's been so long but also because 'Losing Weight.', is not just a chapter. It's a real thing I had to fight over the years and I'm happy to say that I'm over it. Thank you for supporting me&enjoy! xx)

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Meredith, Age 15:

Meredith was in her room.
Her mum's friend was downstairs and the dog played in the garden.
She was laying on her bed, music playing in her ears and her pale eyes looking at the plain ceiling.

The barking, the chatting and footsteps were heard every second.
Everytime Finn barked, she blinked twice and focused on another spot in the ceiling.
Her feet were freezing and the window was open. Meredith was too lazy to grab a pair of socks or to shut the window, she'd freeze instead.

Yet every other part of her body was burning. Her chest, stomach and head. It was almost an unbearable feeling. Her hands cold as they had always been; a thing she got from her mother. Meredith was stubborn, if she was in pain she didn't want to be helped, she wanted to suffer; something she got from her father.

Meredith was suffering. Her hands craved the feeling of old paper and her eyes craved to read what she had written in them over the years.
Her feet touched the burning floor and her hands found the thing they craved for. Meredith's eyes finally reading the words that made her heart ache.

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17.05.12

'Dad said I'm fat. But it's okay. I'm not skinny, I know. Does it mean that he doesn't love me anymore? Am I worthless? :('

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20.05.12

'Daddy said sorry! Whohooo! :)'

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6.06.12

'I'm nine now! N I N E ! :) Mummy made me a cake and daddy said he's proud of me! I don't exactly know what for, but I'm happy! :)'

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3.03.13

'I'm tired. Being nine makes me tired. I don't want to be nine anymore. I cried today and I usually never cry. P.S. I tried a new diet, hope it works out. :/'

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21.09.16

'I hate being yelled at. Fuck off, dad. I love food.'

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14.02.17

"How to kill myself without breaking my mum's heart", is a bloody mood.'

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