Today something just...clicked inside me. The idea from last night came into mind and that was when I knew that today was going to be the day everything ended. I couldn't take the pain anymore, every part of me was shattered to pieces, too broken to be fixed. Brian broke everything I ever had, my spirit, my heart...my soul. I had to do it, there was no other way out. Part of me was saying that I deserved this, as I had been too weak and afraid to stand up for myself, get out of my own problems. I'm worthless, I have to die.
The weather described how my pain felt, rain drenching everything in its path, neverending, out of control. 5:30 pm, all alone, the perfect time to do it. I took the suicide note out from under my bed and rewrote it for the very last time. I went into my closet and put on some old clothes I didn't wear anymore. Inching out of the room, I crept into the restroom, note in hand and set it onto the sink counter. I turned the tap on for the water and waited for the bathtub to fill up. Meanwhile, I took out a glass shard out from my pocket that had been from when Brian wrecked all the picture frames of us and inspected it. Sharp edges and its thickness ran across my fingertips, sending chills down my spine. In the mirror, it was me...In my eyes there was only pain, fear, hopelessness.
All that I could see myself as was pure weakness. I deserve this, I have to die. My face was all bruised, eyes swollen, droopy and puffy, scarred, made by Brian himself. The glass shard in my hands. I couldn't believe this was what was going to make the pain stop...end the storm going on inside my mind and body...this was what was going to kill me...
Heart beat harder, thumping against my ribcage, speeding up. Do I really want to do this? What about all the people I loved, won't I hurt them? Hand loosened, about to set the shard down when the dark voice inside my head took over. Do it, these people are only temporary, they're not going to stay in your life forever, especially in your miserable one. Who do you think they are? You worthless- stop! I can't go on with this, I'm not going to hurt them. Do it! Stay strong... Do it! Do it! Memories of the assault, Brian's words, and abuse flooded back into mind and broke the frontier of decisions.
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The Love I Never Gave-Maylor
FanfictionBrian May has always had feelings for Roger Taylor but it isn't until he confesses to him that they land together in a relationship. Things are going great at first, but then Brian has an unexpected trip to America for a few months, leaving Roger al...
