The Love I Never Gave-Maylor

Goodnight, Freddie. We Love You.

Disclaimer: this is not meant to disrespect Freddie in any manner

Months Later

Freddie, focus on him. Nothing was going to happen, it was only a visit, like every other one, this one would not be any different. He had gotten significantly worse, bones sticking out and protruding through his skin more and more, outlines of bones becoming prominent. Skin blemished, they were spotted all over his body, red and swollen, taking up the majority of him. Paleness overtook him, skin glowing a white, almost transparent color, which it lacked. This illness was taking my friend's life and I couldn't do anything to help him. That's the part that upset me the most. Seeing someone you love dying right before your eyes and not being able to do anything about it.

 If I was actually a good friend, I might've been able to help him, but since I was a failure and a worthless individual, that goal reached further than I could ever achieve. Stings pounded my heart and waves of guilt shuddered and spread throughout me. Blood boiled up, bubbling more and more. I couldn't let him die. There had to be something I could do. Sneaking out of Brian's house was hard enough, he'd never let me out of my own, he locked me up, calling me his "property." So much for being a respected human being. Freddie took over my mind, being the only person I could think about and I had to visit him. 

That meant lying to Brian. The first time I did it, I was petrified of doing it, body shook, eyes filled up with tears, trying not to show, much less fall or the message of my real intentions would become known to him. He looked me over, scanning my entire body, more specifically my face as he suspected that I lied to him. Floods of tears pushed between the front of my head, pounding to be let out, but I refused to do so. Eyes shifted up, making jerky movements but Brian than said that he believed me and that I could go. Never would I have thought that I would've gotten away with a lie straight at Brian's face, but I did it.

 Nothing was more important than Freddie, nothing. I reached his house, knocking on the door. I waited a few seconds, this was normal, at least I hoped so. I looked around, noticing all the details of his house before laying eyes on a window to a room. Freddie. It wasn't until I inched closer that my heart stopped. Everything halted, thoughts, heart, me. He lay motionless on the bed, chest never heaving in and out to take a breath. Before I could do anything, the door opened and I stood, eyes wide and quivering lips. The person talked, but I didn't hear a single word they said, it was all a jumble until the words "Freddie passed away." rang into my ears loud and clear. This wasn't in my head. This was real. I parted ways from the person, looking down onto the ground and into space as they shut the door. I drifted off the property, not paying attention, going home. No, he's not dead, he can't be...It's just me and my unstable mind. I was making all of this up, he's alive He's dead. No...Freddie's dead. No! Stop it! Freddie. Is. Dead.

Hands grasped my out of control mind, barging in through the door. Brian sat on the couch watching the telly which he replaced and got up when he heard me coming in, staring at me with his beady eyes.

"What now!?"

"Fred—"

I couldn't tell him what I did and stopped myself, just in time before I could let it slip out.

"I...I did my house errands and decided to give Freddie a visit, but—"

"You what!?"

He grasped my shoulders, pinching them harder with his fingertips, pushing me back into his bedroom. He kicked the door open and threw me to the ground, landing on my side. Hands shot out, trying to catch myself and instead dug into the carpet, struggling to hold me up, shaking with every move.

"Freddie's dead!"
Brian's face fell apart from his expression. Eyebrows curling upwards, eyes lost and worried, not knowing where to look and shaking his head. This lasted for a few seconds before his monster self came back, creased face with pursed lips.

"He deserved it, he did this to himself!" He screamed and left the room.

Those words shook my soul. All these years of Brian and him being friends and he didn't even care about his death? How much could one person change that they felt the need to say that their friend deserved death? I've lost everyone I ever loved. My boyfriend turned into a monster and I lost my soulmate, who else could I lose? I couldn't hold it in anymore and the flood of tears I've been trying to keep in against my will finally let loose. Spilling all over my cheeks, trickling down the rest of my face, leaving a burning sensation before falling to the ground. Never stopping as more tears came and kept coming. Running down irritated cheeks, leaving body weak and frail, being vulnerable to anything. Knees fell in, crashing onto the ground, holding whatever was left of me up. Sobs gasped out of me, trying to wheeze for breath, sucking in air. I was sent into a pit of despair. Everything I loved was gone, but not me.