I Want It To Be You

Chapter Twenty Three

Kaden

I have no idea where the fuck my
phone is, but it doesn't matter. The only person I want to talk to has probably realized by now that she's better off without me.

I love Savannah, more than anything, but I'm toxic, like a cancer and I know that she deserves better than me. I want to go to her and tell her I'm sorry for being the fuck up that I am, but Savannah would just forgive me and then I'll fuck up again. I'll save her some pain and regret and just cut myself out of her life now.

I feel so damn sick to my stomach when I think about never touching her again or seeing her when she wakes up first thing in the morning. I love everything about her. I wish I could have found Savannah before my demons found me. Their claws are in me too deep now. The booze, the pills, the nightmares, the anger ... She doesn't deserve any of that shit show. This is what's best for her.

I'm making my way to the kitchen to find my phone when some guy rushing in the door starts rambling "did you guys hear?" I'm pretty sure he's a freshman, I've seen him around campus but I have no idea what his name is. "A girl got attacked on campus, she got beat up pretty bad."

"Oh my God, is she going to be ok?" A girl standing in the kitchen asks. "I don't know, we we're leaving when they were loading her in the ambulance. A cop was asking us if we had seen anyone suspicious around campus."

"Do you know who it was?" The same girl asks. "I'm not sure but I saw the RA Stephanie talking to the cops and she seemed to know who it was." my mind is numb to the conversation. I hope the girl will be ok, but all I can think about is Savannah. There my fucking phone is. I see it on the edge of the counter. I grab it and go to pour myself a beer. I needed to be hammered by now, but I stayed at the shop until almost eleven and then went home, but it's just too empty without her there.

I wanted to talk to Quinn but he's fucking wasted and everyone else I would consider an acquaintance has went home to spend the holidays with their familes.

"Hold on I have Stephanies number." Jordan, a softmore says. He's ok I've partied with him before. All the girls latch around him anxious to hear who it was that was attacked. I don't know if they're actually concerned or just looking for something to gossip about. "Hey Steph it's Jordan... Yea I heard. Who was it? ... Oh shit is she going to be ok? ... I don't know her well but ... Ok look let me call you back."

Everyone stares at Jordan waiting for information. Jordans eye's dart to mine and that's when the unease starts setting in. "Hey Kaden aren't you dating that Savannah girl?" He ask.
Fuck ... He can't mean ... "Why?" I say much calmer than I mean to.

"Steph is saying that's who got attacked. She said she's hurt pretty bad." I don't remember getting in my truck, I don't remember the drive to the hospital, I barely remember causing a scene in the waiting room. I was about to be thrown out until a cop who was trying to contact someone for Savannah heard my name.

"Did you just say your name is Kaden Rollins?" The tall man in a uniform ask. "Do you know a Savannah Davis?"

"Yes, I need to see her she's my girlfriend, but apparently that doesn't fucking matter!" I throw an angry glare to the woman behind the desk who said she couldn't help me because I wasn't family.

"Calm down, son. I've been trying to reach you. You're listed on Ms. Davis license registration as her emergency contact." And my world crumbles a little further. Savannah has no family, she's all alone in there and here I am, her alcoholic, mentally fucked ex boyfriend who she had enough trust in while we were together to put me down as her emergency contact. I feel like I've been punched in the gut. She trusted me and I fucked up as usual.