I Want It To Be You

Chapter Eleven

Savannah

"Ok, but I want to take it slow. I don't want you to end up hating me." He says.

"I won't." I'm not porcelain. I won't break.

I can tell Kaden is serious about not wanting to move too fast, so I decide to do what I do best, which is ramble.

"Come on, we came here to talk, so let's talk." I drop my hands from Kadens' shoulders and lean back.

"Ok, but put your sweatshirt back on."

"Why?"

"Because it's hard to focus on what you're saying when it looks like your boobs are gonna bust out of that tank top." he smirks.

I immediately flush but then realize he's serious. I roll my eyes and pull my hoodie back on. It's kind of chilly anyway.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Kaden asks as he climbs up and sits next to me.

"I don't know. Ask me whatever you want until I dont feel like a stranger anymore." I laugh copying his conversation tactic from our trip to New Orleans.

Kaden grins and takes his time thinking of a question "What's your deepest darkest secret? besides stealing a pack of Juicy Fruit when you were eight." he puts his hand over his chest and laughs

"Hmm," I try to think. I don't really have actual secrets.

"I don't really have secrets, I mean, nothing interesting."

"I'm interested in everything about you." he says,"Tell me something that no one else knows about you."

"I ... Never mind, it's stupid."

"Tell me." he presses.

"I used to have ... I guess you would call them panic attacks." I say and look away, embarrassed but then continue."I would just get really upset sometimes and get this overwhelming anxiety, and the only way I could calm myself down was humming old rock songs to myself. I would sit on the floor of my closet and just hum Metallica, Aerosmith, or whatever until it stopped." I glance back at Kaden expectting to see him stiffleing a laugh, but his expression is serious.

"I told you it was stupid." I say and bite my lip and start twisting my fingers in my lap.

"It's not stupid." he says, looking at me intently. "You said you used to have them. You dont anymore?" He asks.

"Not in a while." I say relieved that there's no judgment in his tone.

"Okay, next question." I say to change the subject once again.

"What's your best memory?"

"Honestly?" I pause, not wanting to sound even more pathetic.

"No, lie to me." he says sarcastically and rolls his eyes. He pulls his cigarettes out of his jeans pocket and lights one.

"New Orleans." I flush as I say it, but it's true. I don't have a highlight reel of amazing memories to compare. I can remember a few good days playing at my grandparents house when I was a child but other than that everyday of my life has been just average,I was always telling myself one day it will get better and I've always been ok with that, I've never felt sorry for myself or wanted anyone else to feel sorry for me. I just kept hope that one day, all of the pieces we're going to fall into place.

I'm relieved when a grin spreads across Kadens face. "Really?"

"Yes. I never do anything solely just because I want to, and I had an amazing time."

"I'm happy that you had such a good time. We could go back, you know, if you want to." He says as he swings his legs back and forth over the edge of the tailgate.