thirty seven

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Warning: Some Smut

who knew 2011 would be the year that everything changed?

harry, who was still just a plain junior that still hated school, certainly didn't.

"do you miss him?"

harry would find himself nodding blankly, unable to pull his stare away from the wall of their newly remodeled lunchroom.

it smelled of disinfectant and frozen food. he wanted to get out, he wanted to jump into louis' car that was currently moving farther and farther away from their home, towards doncaster. and he wanted to kiss him and beg him not to but he couldn't take louis' dream away from him.

it felt as if new years was a million years away. harry could recall these really nice nights with louis, where they would go out and feed each other and cuddle on the couch and whenever louis was gone harry was just an utter mess and he was always looking at the door, asking if louis was there every noise he heard.

but, it was one of those times where louis sat him down, kissing him so hard it hurt and harry could tell something was wrong and there was this ache in his throat although he didn't even know what louis was upset about.

"i'm gonna miss my angel so, so much," louis had said.

and harry had given him a confused look, furrowing his brows and looking up at him. louis' pale blue eyes were sparkling with tears, a sight that caused harry to feel an ache all the way to the bottom of his ribs.

"what do you mean?" harry adjusted his position on the couch, feeling his throat beginning to hurt. "you're right here. why are you going to miss me?"

he thought it was a logical question. why would his louis leave? they were so together, everywhere they went. 

louis had gulped loudly, his lips trembling as he squeezed his eyes shut. "we can skype, okay baby? we can skype and you can still see my face and maybe those green eyes that i love will be just as vibrant on my camera, i heard macbook's cameras are pretty good. and i'll even blow you kiss-" he cut himself off, a shudder going through his body, and it seemed that if he tried to talk all that came out was a whimper.

harry could feel his head clouding, a sensation he hadn't experienced in a while, and he certainly hadn't missed it.

and louis had pulled him into this bone crushing hug, and harry could feel himself going numb but he hugged back just as hard, hugging his louis with everything he had and he pushed his head into louis' warm chest. he had on this really soft sweatshirt and it smelled just like him, like boy and sweat and honey and cologne and harry just wanted to breathe it in forever.

"where are you going?" harry had whispered, putting his hands on louis' waist and squeezing his sides.

"'m going off to uni. 'm gonna be a football player, 'member?"

harry imagined louis in his uniform, a big black number on his back and his hair sweaty and pushed back and he was living his dream and he was so proud of louis.

but right now he really couldn't breathe again. louis whispered comforting things to him as he started to breathe harder, trying to get air into his lungs but he couldn't see through his eyes because they were blurred with tears. and they stung his cheeks, except for when louis wiped them away with his soft fingers.

"don't leave, don't don't don't don't don't," he struggled to get out, shoving louis' arms away from him and trying to get comfort, a sob shaking his shoulders, and he couldn't even close his mouth as strangled whimpers escaped his lips. he squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around his legs and rocking back and forth on the couch and louis was touching him but he wanted him to stop.

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