Bound By Purpose

Memorials

Standing at the edge of the water with my family we watch as Pepper and Morgan lower the wreath into the water. I hold my daughter on my hip and Bucky holds my hand. Thomas is holding hands with his father, refusing to be carried out of the house. Steve stands at my side and beyond him, Clint and his family. All of us stand united, all of us that were impacted by Tony's life. As Morgan pushes the memorial away on the water there's a moment of silence. We watch it float out over the small waves of water.

When Pepper finally rises from Morgan's side and turns back we all know that it's okay to move on. I watch as the groups split apart. Clint and Wanda walk down towards the water. Turning to Laura with her children fills me with joy. Tony had hoped that families would be reunited and they were. He'd hoped that we got some form of a normal world back as well. Looking around I see all of us together. Though we are all still together there never could be a normal version of this world... Not without Tony. 

With Bucky and Steve talking together I let Margaret go to her father and then join Wanda and Clint at the edge of the lake just as they embrace. Upon seeing me Wanda leaves and makes room for me. "How's your family?" He asks me. I smile.

"The family's good." The words roll off my tongue in pure happiness. "How's yours?" I add.

He nods happily but clearly distracted. "I broke down when I flew home yesterday." He glances back nervously. "It's just, I've dreamt about this for years..."

"You're afraid you can't be the same man you were before?" He nods silently. I put a hand on his back and lightly rub back and forth thinking. "I went through the same thing... A lot of times actually." I take a deep breath in and out. "Everytime I would wake up the world would be in a completely different place than where I left it before. Everyone I left behind would be wiser and older... And then I was reunited with Steve and I thought for sure he'd be disgusted with my actions throughout the years but I learned that he didn't care. The people that love us, Clint, they'll help us through anything... love us unconditionally through everything." 

"Nat did." He says connecting the dots. 

"Yes she did." I say. She had done her fair share of horrid things, but she loved everyone in her little makeshift family. There's no more words that need to be shared between Clint and I. We both know our own burdens to bear going forward but we also know there's people counting on us. I quickly wrap one arm around his neck and stand on my toes, giving him a quick hug. I would surely be seeing him and his family soon but I will miss him greatly, I always do. 

Looking back up the slight incline I see that sadness has subsided just a bit. There's plenty of celebrating life and talking amongst one another. Pepper stands at the foot of the stairs. I track her focus up to the porch where Happy and Morgan sit talking. That girl will be loved... by all of us. Pepper turns, sensing the attention. She turns her back on the house and approaches me. She doesn't say a word as she links her arm in mine and starts to walk me around towards the garage. I let her lead me forward. I have so many questions, but now is not the time for talking. 

The garage's contents have been sprawled across the floor. Pepper leaves my side and goes to the center. "He left you something... I don't know when he was planning on giving it to you, but..." I peek around her at the box on floor. Coming up beside her I see that it's filled with paper. "They're umm... Letters and momentos." I squat down and lightly pick up the first yellowed page. It's dated from 1990. I look up confused but Pepper has already left me. I stare at the box rather nervous to see what I'll find. 

I let myself sit criss-cross and gently let the paper drift into my lap. I scan and see the signature: Howard Stark. I gasp and lean forward quickly grabbing as many papers as I can. Scanning through I see things from 1947, 1958, 1964... They go on and on. They seem to be letters to me... I do my best to order them in chronological order. The first one is from January 1947.

Dear Evelyn,

This is Stark. I just want you to know that you're doing well. Cryo sleep suits you well. The world is alive in your memory and I know this whole process is and will be hard in the future, but I want you to know that you'll always have Peggy and I... I don't know if I'll ever give this to you or if this is just the ramblings of a lonely man...

I put it down taking a breath. I move on to the next one. I scan through each one and see that it became a coping method for him. He spoke to me about his work, his life, he was real here. There would be time to fully analyze these someday soon. I notice that as time went on the letters became less and less. I note the messages where he announced he was getting married and that he was going to have a son. The last one is dated December 1st, 1991. I suck in knowing this was merely two weeks before his death. 

It's been awhile, and I apologize for that...

I scan a few more lines.

It's been a rough couple of weeks here. I haven't been getting along well Anthony and I'm in deep. I know I haven't always been there for him, but you know how hard this life is. Watching the years go by you and not having you there to live it... It's made me value everything more and yet I've still dug myself into this chasm with Tony. I don't know when I'll see him next, but I know that I'll make things right. I'll share all that I've built... because it's all for him...

It goes on for another page but a looming presence over my shoulder lurs me from Howard's desk back to the real world in Tony's garage. Bucky's looking over my shoulder. Feeling as if I've been caught doing something I shouldn't I rapidly stack the papers together and place them in their box. I pop up quickly wiping the tears from my eyes. 

"I was just..." Bucky cuts me off.

"He left them for you." His eyes dart from the box but end up landing softly on me. "I don't need to know." He says reassuringly. I sneak my arms around him and he holds me for just a moment. "Steve and Bruce have a plan to get the stones where they need to go." I hug him tighter. I know it's necessary, but I just want it all to be over.

Walking hand in hand we go back outside where our children are climbing over Banner. I can't help but let a smile slip. It fades when General Ross catches my eye. I let Bucky go on without me and then Thaddeus comes over to me. Bucky's watchful falls on me but I nod him ahead. "You have some nerve coming to this." I say not bothering to greet him.

"Ms. Moore, Tony and I got along better than you'd ever know." Not wanting to be lectured I try to leave him but he grips my upper arm. I stop, waiting for him to threaten me, but he never does. He leans close to my ear. "The government isn't too keen on letting you and Barnes run around." Confused I finally make eye contact with him. Noticing that he's kept his hard grip and pull it from him rapidly. "I'm just saying you may not be out of the woods yet. That you should be careful." 

"Thank you for the warning General." I had been so focused on the now I'd forgotten what the past had looked like for Bucky and I in the world. I give him a salute and turn my back without being dismissed. It's just another problem that will be dealt with when the situation presents itself.