Bound By Purpose

Apologies

It's been about three days since I've been admitted into the small hospital tent in the camp, but it feels so much longer than that because I've slept a ton. People have trickled in and out to visit and to talk. Steve, Howard, Dugan, and of course Bucky who even now,  is standing in the corner observing while Peggy sits beside me. We've been talking about simple things, trying not to discuss my mission in front of Bucky and the other soldiers recovering. There will be time for that when my father flies back in from London. It didn't surprise me when I was told that he flew out as soon as possible, we haven't exactly been getting along lately.

Peggy looks down at my finger and fiddles with my ring, which was magically there when I woke up. I laugh a little. "Thank you." I say. "I heard you were the one who hooked Steve up with a plane ride behind enemy lines." 

"Well I guess you could say that, but he was ready to walk there if necessary. Howard and I gave him a lift of sorts." I look around to Howard who's just arrived back from London. He's flipping through a soldier's chart so call out to him.

"Seems like you've been awfully busy saving people's lives lately Mr. Stark." He turns as if he hadn't noticed me on his way in.

He spreads his arms out wide looking quite humble. "Well what can I say pal... I've got some great partners in crime." He pauses for a second and then continues. "I was wondering if you and Peg would want to come back to London to help me with Steve's new armada of weapons. I've been working on some prototypes..." Peggy looks down at me with a smile. Anything to get out of here, to get back to London. "That is if you can handle it."

"You're the doctor. Do you think I can do it?"

"I don't see why not. You've come along quickly." He says putting a chart away, then he paces over to me. He has that familiar smirk on his face as he steps up to Peggy who is still sitting beside me. I glance over to Bucky who has shifted his weight and looks on uncomfortably. When he sees my gaze on him he looks away. "I know you want to get back up on your feet and you probably want input on what Steve's doing. I know you do." Howard says from my bedside.

"Well you're right about that. Bucky should come with us though." I say keeping my eyes fixed on him.

"Already planned on it." He says reaching a hand down to me I take it graciously.

"Thank you Howard. I owe you a few favors now."

"No you don't." He says with a shake of his head. "I'll be waiting on my jet on the tarmac whenever you guys are ready to fly out." With that he turns and disappears out the flap. I so desperately want to get out of here so I turn my attention to Peggy.

"Peg can you help me stand?"

"Absolutely." She says. I sit up straight and begin to turn my body but then suddenly a rush of sadness and want overcomes me. I look over to Buck.

"And you... Get over here." A light smile crosses his face as he quickly moves around the equipment scattered around my bed. He takes to my left side and Peggy takes my right. With a count of three they lift while I let my bare feet touch the squishy floor. It's cold to the touch and all the sudden weight causes me to wobble, but I've got two sturdy people by my side to hold me upright. I purposely let myself shift to my left against Bucky because I just want to feel near to him. Slowly I feel Peggy let go and James take over. He drapes my arm over his shoulder and basically lifts me up as I start to walk through the tent towards the tent flap. Once outside in the light of day I can see how tired he is. I decide not to say anything on the subject as we follow Peggy through camp towards Peggy and I's quarters.

After a parade through camp we reach our room. I'm nervous for Bucky to see inside, but Peggy has kept it nice and everything is neatly packed where it should be. She's even set out a crisp uniform for me on my cot. Bucky helps me over to my it and gently helps me sit. Before the silence can go on for too long Peggy reluctantly leaves to let us be alone. 

"Buck I'm so sorry..." He cuts me off as he already knows that I'm about to apologize for breaking my promise.

"I honestly don't want an apology Evelyn." He says with a shake of his head. "When I saw you in that foxhole a million emotions ran through my head but anger wasn't one of them. I was afraid more than anything." I gaze into his tired eyes and see the hurt in them.

"I never meant for my being there to impair the battle that was going on... But I was on a mission and it wound up being successful. I mean look at all the stuff we were able to scrounge up and bring back." He doesn't answer just continues to look around the room. I suppose he's done talking. I force myself up from the cot with as little reaction as I can muster even though everything is stiff and sore. By instinct he stands up as well and steadies me.

"If you don't want to talk to me just say so." I say a little too forced. "It won't hurt me if you yell at me about breaking promises and telling lies." I stare at him until he can't avoid talking any longer without leaving.

"I just want to know that you're still my girl. The girl I wanted to marry." His comment takes me aback. 

"Do you really think I've changed that much? That I'm not the girl who gives away winter coats and secretly trains in her basement. I'm still her. I'm just a bit more grown up now. The people around me changed so I couldn't avoid changing either."

"What did it? Who changed?" He asks as if the question had a simple answer.

"The war did. The war changed everyone. It changed my dad, and my mom. Look what it did to Steve. And you, with your sad, tired eyes. What happened to the sparkle?"

"I suppose I could say the same. The war happened and it almost took away my best girl." He's cold and seemingly annoyed.

"Well it didn't. I'm alive and all three of us are finally together again, sure it's not the best of places, but hey..." His hidden smile disappears completely and he stares blankly at me. "What's the matter?" I ask alarmed. Thinking I've pushed him too far I demand an answer.

"I just... Please..." He says burying his exhausted eyes into his hands.

"What?" I say alarmed at his sudden release of emotion. To me he's always been smiling and caring and strong, but now I see his vulnerability.

"I can't keep going on knowing you're hiding things from me. Please, no more secrets, no more lies. Last night all I thought about was you and our last night together in New York. You've never lied to me before, and I don't know it just felt different and scary. Questions ran through my head. So many horrible things that I thought about and then I remembered it's you. My smiling, strong, friendly, Eve."

"There's nothing left to keep from you." He finally gives in and pulls my head against his shoulder just cradling me there waiting for the signal to head out for London.