Sanem sat on the floor in complete shock. She had wanted to have kids with Can; it was something she hoped would happen eventually. But now that it was actually here, now that it was actually happening, now that eventually had turned into today - the concept seemed inordinately daunting. This wasn't just a page turning in their life, this was like a hurricane rushing through the pages in a roaring bluster, ripping out sections of paper from a leather-bound book and scattering them to the wind. It felt entirely out of her control.
This wasn't supposed to be happening yet. They had agreed to wait a few years. They'd been so foolish on their honeymoon; it was a miracle that nothing had happened then. Sanem wasn't ready, she still felt too young. They had just taken on four pets for Allah's sake! They didn't need any more mouths to feed right now. It was the worst timing in the world.
The stress rushing uncomfortably through her veins made her stomach seize up. She pulled herself over to the toilet bowl, bile rising in her throat.
Arslan was still sat with her, watching with soft, concerned brown eyes. Sanem groaned, her headache was going to make a bitter return if she didn't calm down.
She sat against the cold tiles of the floor, trying to calm her breathing and still her shaking hands. A few minutes passed before her phone chimed, alerting her of a new text message. She almost didn't want to look at it, afraid it would pull her back to reality when she been doing so well at blocking everything out behind a wall of denial for the last few minutes. She forced herself to glance at the screen. It was from Can.
We got the contract! :)
Under normal circumstances, she would have been thrilled. But with a heart burdened by her recent news and a head foggy and overwhelmed with pain, she found her immediate response resembled closer to mumbled swearing, followed by a groaned and chanted 'no, no, no!'
Everyone, the whole office, including herself, had been praying for this exact outcome for weeks. The dread swimming in her veins was the exact reaction she'd expected had they not secured the contract. Why is everything happening now? This is such bad timing. Such bad timing. It repeated in her head like a mantra, exacerbated by the throbbing behind her eyes.
She found Deren's words unhelpfully dancing through her brain. "The company needs you, Sanem..."
Fat lot of help she was going to be over the next few years, stuck at home with a baby. She didn't want to give up work just yet. Two or three years, they had agreed. They would wait two or three years before trying so she could enjoy working in the job she adored for a while longer befre settling down. Such a shame her uterus hadn't gotten the damn message.
---
After a flurry of handshakes and "Thank you's", Can, Leyla and Emre found themselves back outside the entrance of the Kırmızı Kurt office building. Stepping out onto the street, the distant sound of city traffic filled the air as the sky turned a diluted evening blue with threatening patches of heavy dark clouds, hints of chill hanging in the air. Can wondered if it might snow again.
"Dad would be proud of us brother." Emre patted him on the back. This was what his father had been working towards since the company began. "It might be time to expand the office, maybe hire a new batch of interns. I think it's time Ceycey got a promotion." Emre laughed. Can nodded, smiling. They would definitely need more employees to handle the flood of incoming workload.
Can reached into his pocket for his phone; it had been buzzing during the meeting. He hadn't had a chance to check it yet. Can found a few messages from Deren, but he wanted to text Sanem the good news first. He sent his wife the message, then tapped on Deren's.
