Anna [J.Shelby]

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE

While John Shelby looked as alive and warm as any other living person, Anna Shelby paled to that of the shade of a dead person.

She glanced between his face and his hand that clutched hers, trying to make sense of it all, because he felt real, but he couldn't be.

Perhaps she had gone mad when she pulled that trigger.

John's eyebrows remained furrowed as he expected her to say something, or do something- but she didn't.

Anna's eyebrows trembled as they furrowed, her chin trembling with tears as she stumbled back, her heels clicking violently against the cold and uneven flooring.

"Anna!" John called as she stumbled towards the exit

"Anna, darling, it's a shock I know.. oh fuck, what have we done.." Polly's words fell on deaf ears.

She left the warehouse, and even the Shelby's could hear the distinct sound of her throwing up violently when she was nearing 10 metres from the building.

The nanny feared the other Shelby's were dead when Anna stumbled through the door, with pools of tears and a look upon her face, like she had seen a ghost.

Which in hindsight- she had.

The nanny could smell the sick all over Anna as she quickly blocked the children from viewing her and carted them up the stairs.

"Mrs Shelby what's wrong?" The nanny pleaded with her, trying to shake her out of the hysteria.

But no words could form on her lips, the only indication of what had happened in the pasy hour was when she looked through the window.

She saw John Shelby looking grave as he walked alongside his family down Watery Lane, and she too, paled.

When Ada returned from putting Eddie to sleep, she was shocked to see the state that Anna was in as she shook in a chair.

"What's happened?" She asked the nanny, worried.

"It's John, he's alive" The nanny replied as she rubbed Anna's back.

"What are you talking about? John's dead, we held his funeral months ago." Ada shook off her words.

"No, Ada. John Shelby is alive, I saw him, out on the street with the rest of your lot."

Ada glanced down at Anna with a bite of her lip as she glanced at the door, hurriedly putting her coat on.

"Look after her, alright, and I'll be back"

Ada felt sick to her stomach as she entered the betting shop, and the nanny was right, John was alive.

Arthur was also alive, none of her brothers had been harmed by the vendetta afterall. Nothing made sense to her anymore, but she threw herself at John and then Arthur regardless.

While the Shelby's were reuniting, the nanny helped a shaking Anna strip to her undergarments, and then get into her bed clothes as Anna continued to believe she had gone mad.

Her mind wasn't her own, nothing made sense.

"You've had a terrible shock, I suspect it will take a while for it to sink in that John's alive and not dead"

"No" Anna murmered, repeating the world multiple times before she stood abruptly from the bed and rushed down the stairs and out of the door, barefooted and in her bed clothes, running through Watery Lane before she was bursting through the betting shop doors.

The Shelby's stared at Anna as she stood by ths door, breathing heavily in front of them with wild eyes. Anger had mingled with every other emotion she was feeling. Loud and red anger.

Her outbursts were directed at Tommy as she stood in front of them, Johns eyes roaming over his wife, and how she had changed in only a few short months.

"I sat there, I fucking sat there and I asked you and you said John was dead. You gave me his rings, you told me where his funeral was. Fucking you" Annas breath was drawn to hiccups with the tears coming down her face as she screamed at Thomas Shelby, the family as well as John quiet in the room, Annas hair a mess and her feet bare.

"You lied to me- multiple times!" Anna shouted, accusing Tommy of his wrong doings.

"Anna-" John began, lerching forward, Anna moving away from his touch.

"No, don't you touch me, this isn't real, my husband is dead, my children's father is dead, and he has been, for months. I'm alright on my own"

"Anna you are not alright, John's alive, but he barely was when Tommy told you he was gone already" Arthur repsonded.

"I am, I am alright!" Anna shouted.

Polly stepped forward, taking Annas cheeks into her hands "sweet girl, those years ago I persuaded you into staying with John, that our family would protect you, that John would protect you. And now look what we've done to you,"

"But he's supposed to be dead" Anna cried out, her head falling as Polly threw a glare towards her family.

The family were left in silence as Polly took her away, John struggled to form words as he swallowed down emotion.

"How bad was she?" He questioned into the silence that had fell over them. Tommy's eyes were fixated on the door as his mind over filled with guilt.

"The kids came to mine and Linda's one day, they didn't get any sleep because they heard her crying in the night."

"And she has nightmares, she told me about them. Christmas day plays in her head, and how she could've helped." Linda added.

"Fucking hell" John swore, his head going to the back of his head as he kicked the table away from him.

"This is all you Tommy, if you had just let me fucking leave and come home, if you had fucking told her I wasn't dead I'd still have my wife."

"John, it was for your own protection" Tommy replied.

"I may as well be fucking dead, ey. Might as well be fucking dead."

"Don't say that that, John." Arthur told him.

"Yeah well it's fuckin' true" John replied, sitting in a chair as he brought his hand up to run along his face.

"You know, it's my fault, you're right John. It's my fault I wanted my brother to be safe from this mess that we created."

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A short explaination:
I wouldn't kill John off, because I simply don't like sticking to story lines completely. There was at least one hint in every Chapter, and I am very surprised that nobody figured me out. Anna is titled after the oc, because it's her life journey, she was always going to go through immense amount of pain in her life, as she's never had it easy, much like how women never had it easy in those times. Losing John and then John turning out to be alive actually reflects the war, women received telegrams saying their husband was missing in action, and some women accepted their husband was dead, they came to terms with it. When they received another telegram saying actually, he's just badly injured, I can imagine that it was very hard for them not having a husband until another telegram drops and then theyre suddenly alive. Anna is a whole different person because of the Shelby's and sometimes, that is not necessarily a good thing.