If I'm Louder, Would You See Me?

Chapter 15

~Liam's POV~

"Lad, what's gotten into you? You seem so... depressed..." Niall asked me as we sat on the couch of our hotel room. All the boys had gone out and I decided to stay behind, hoping to get some alone time but apparently Niall has been worrying about me so he stayed back too.

"Nothing," I lied.

"I know there is something. Miss your mum?" His blue eyes bore into my soul and I had to turn my head away in fear that he might read my mind.

"No..." I sighed. "It's Madison. I miss her and I just have a really strange feeling about her... like she is closer than I think. I can't really describe it but I swear I saw her at the airport as we were leaving but I couldn't get a good look so now I'm not sure." I ran my fingers through my brown hair and felt the sudden urge to cry. I had to blink several times to hold back the tears.

Niall was quiet for a few minutes, both of us just looking at our laps. Then he patted my back and said,

"You really like her don't you?" I nodded. "I think all of us, besides Haz of course, are really confused about what went on between you too. I mean, at first it seemed like you hated each other, or you hated her, then you guys started being nice to each other and then all of a sudden it was like you were in love. I've never seen anything like it. So was there more that went on?"

"It's complicated," I stated, not really wanting to go into detail.

"I think I need to know..." Niall said.

I took a deep breath, then said, "Okay well when I first saw her, it was like nothing mattered anymore. I just wanted to be with her, I just wanted to hold her close and protect her and call her mine. But I knew that she was Harry's and I wouldn't have a chance so I tried to push her away, be a little mean and hopefully she won't like me and it would be easy to ignore her. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't make myself be mean to someone like her. So then when you all went out to the store and left us alone, we talked a little and she touched my arm and I got goosebumps and that's never happened before ya know? Not even when I was with Danielle. And she told me something really personal about herself that not even Harry knew and I felt like she could trust me. Then every other time we talked I just had the urge to kiss her. Next was the interview and dinner and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so captivating.

Then of course was the accident... and just the thought of losing her before I ever got the chance to really know really hit me hard and I couldn't bare it. I just wanted to crawl into a hole so I didn't have to feel that way anymore. I also felt like it was my fault. Like if I hadn't been staring at her, Harry wouldn't have gotten upset and stormed out and she wouldn't have followed. While she was in the coma, I snuck in alone to see her whenever I could and one morning, I was talking to her, telling her that I am sorry and how I felt and mostly just babbling. I was holding her hand and suddenly she squeezed my hand. And just like that, she was awake and telling me that she felt the same way too. She felt the connection we had too, but then Harry walked in and saw us holding hands and got all scary and mean again, like at dinner. I left and then after that, everything else is history..." I let out a deep breath at my speech. It felt so good to get that off of my chest. I had been holding that in for a while. I glanced over at Niall and he was just staring at me wide eyed.

"Wow... I am so sorry. I had no idea. We had no idea. But I guess that explains your mood lately..."

"Oh Niall! There is something else I have to tell you but you have to swear you won't tell anyone, not even the boys."

Okay...?" he said hesitantly.

"We kissed."

"WHAT!?" he practically screamed.