Afraid | Nikki Sixx

35.

Carly's POV

The sun shown in my eyes and almost instantly my head started to pound. I felt the urge to vomit and I immediately got up from the bed and ran into the bathroom, I dropped to my knees and started to throw up, my whole body shuddering.

I finally got control and flushed the toilet, sitting down on the floor. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I don't remember what happened at all last night, I caught glimpse of my arm. I ran my finger over the two track marks. I furrowed my eyebrows. What did I do last night?

I slowly rose and got a look at myself in the mirror. I look like hell. I quickly wiped the remaining makeup from my face last night. I splashed water on my face and I heard footsteps approaching. I turned the faucet off and dried my face off. I turned, Nikki was standing in the doorway. "Hey," he said. "Hi," I replied. He walked in and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my head. "What happened last night?" I asked. "I have track marks on my arm," I added on. I felt Nikki tense up. "Oh, uh. You just shot up some blow last night." He said. "Just cocaine?" I asked, looking up at him. He nodded. "Yeah, just don't do it anymore, it's not that big of a deal. It's just for fun." He said, smiling. I nodded.

The day progressed fairly quickly, with everyone complaining about hangovers. I'm sitting in Nikki's lap, smiling a cigarette while we're watching the other guys get ready. "Are you excited to be playing Madison Square Garden?" I asked all of them. "Oh my god, I'm so fucking pumped!" I heard Tommy. I laughed. "It's so exciting." I smiled. I felt a sudden pain in my stomach, almost as if it's cramping up, I held my stomach. "Baby, are you okay?" Nikki asked, rubbing my back. "Yeah, my stomach just really hurts all of a sudden." I replied, wincing at the pain.

"Smoke some pot, it'll make you feel better." Tommy said, I laughed a little. "I might." I said. I felt my body starting to shake, Nikki must've noticed, too. "Hey, are you alright?" Nikki asked, worry in his voice. "I-I don't know–" I cut myself off by quickly running to the bathroom and throwing up in the toilet. My hands started to get clammy, my whole body was violently shaking, I could barely get ahold of myself. I started to sweat, but I felt freezing cold.

"Carly Beth, do you have the flu?" Nikki asked from behind me. "It feels like I'm dying." I said, starting to cry. My muscles are aching, I feel incredibly weak. I looked at Nikki and he had a look of guilt on his face, I don't know why he's acting like that, it's not his fault that I'm sick. My nose started to run, I sniffled a little and tried to stand up, I grabbed onto the sink to get some leverage. I stood up and I felt my knees giving out and I started to fall back down, Nikki quickly ran over and grabbed me and held me up. "Do you need to go to the hospital?" Nikki asked, I shook my head. "No, no hospitals." I said, shaking.

An hour has passed and I've only gotten worse, I moved to the couch in the dressing room, curled up in a ball on the couch. "Are you sure you're alright? We can get someone to fill in for Nikki." Vince said, rubbing my back. I shook my head. "No, that's okay. I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile. Vince frowned. "I'm worried about you, Carly B." He said, pushing away the hair that was in my face. "I'll be fine," I said, I winced and held my stomach more when I felt my stomach cramp up more. "Are you sure? This show isn't important compared to you, Carly Beth." Nikki said, sitting down on the other side of me, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I could feel his heartbeat, being so close to him made me feel safe. "Babe, I'm fine." I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks away.

Almost an hour has passed and the feeling hasn't let up. It's only gotten worse, I'm shaking, shivering, sweating, my stomach is cramping and I can't stop vomiting. I have to keep running to the bathroom, I'm inanely weak. I have the urge for something, I don't know what, but the only thoughts that are racing through my head is that I need it. I don't know what "it" is, I can't control myself. My muscles ache and I can't stop crying from how much discomfort and pain I'm in. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I look pale and sick, I look and feel like I'm dying.

The door opened to the dressing room and the boys walked in, Nikki rushed over to me. "Oh my god, Carly. You don't look good," he said, frantically. "Thanks, every girl wants to hear that." I mumbled. Vince chuckled. "Even when she's sick, she's sarcastic like always." He commented. "Well, this is what happens when you take smack." I heard Tommy say, mine and Nikki's head shot up and looked at Tommy. "I-I didn't do heroin." I said, clutching my stomach. "You had to, you don't go through withdrawals like that from coke." He said. "I'm going through withdrawal?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Shut up, she isn't!" Nikki exclaimed.

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Nikki. "What did I do last night, Nikki?" I asked, "and don't lie to me." I said. He avoided my gaze. "I told you, you shot up some blow–" "Nikki, tell me the truth!" I yelled, cutting him off. "Well, I-I got out some smack, you asked what it was like, and then you asked if you could do some," he started, not looking up from his lap. "I shot you up. You hallucinated because of the cocaine and then I have you more so you'd stop." He finished.

I was shocked, I looked around and the rest of the guys seemed just as shocked. "You shot her up? She could have overdosed!" Vince yelled. "She already have coke and alcohol in her system! Are you fucking stupid?!" He yelled. Nikki just stayed still. "Also, she wasn't in the right state of mind to decided whether she actually wanted to shoot up or not!" Vince continued. "Don't say it was my fault that she is going through withdrawals!" Nikki finally yelled back. "She wanted to do it!" He yelled, standing up. "You lied to her! To all of us! You knew what was going on! You just let her suffer!" Vince yelled. "Just shut the fuck up! She wanted to do it!" Nikki yelled. "Don't blame me for her poor decisions!" "You shot her up, asshole!" Vince yelled.

I felt tears run down my face. I scooted off the couch and slowly rose, nobody seemed to notice. Everyone was engrossed in Nikki and Vince's argument. I quickly left the dressing room, making my way back to the hotel. I gathered my belongings and slowly made my way back to the tour bus. I put my suitcases and bags down and grabbed the trash can from the main area and slowly walked back to the back room. I shut the door and locked it and sat down on the couch.

I heard footsteps approaching, someone tried opening the door. "Carly Beth?" I heard Nikki's voice from the other side of the door. "Can you let me in?" I felt the urge to vomit again, I grabbed the trash can and threw up. "G–" I was cut off by throwing up again. "Go away, Nikki!" I yelled, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, babe–" "Please just leave me alone! You've done enough!" I cried.

I heard footsteps walk away from the door, I laid down on the couch, trying to get comfortable. I shut my eyes, hoping that sleep will take over.

(a/n: thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed. please make sure to vote, it's greatly appreciated. feedback is always welcome. okay bye 👻)