Afraid | Nikki Sixx

34.

Carly's POV

My throat burned as we all downed another shot. I put the shot glass down and I felt Nikki's arm wrap around my waist. "Are you having a good time, babe?" I heard him say in my ear. I smiled and turned to face him. "Yes I am, I'm glad your makeup is holding up." I said, giggling. He rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised I haven't gotten beaten up." He said. "Like anyone would ever try to start a fight with Nikki Sixx." I laughed.

"More shots!" Vince cheered, already sloppy drunk. "Don't you think you've had enough?" I asked Vince. He shook his head. "Nooooo, let's have some fun!" He slurred. I laughed. "Aren't you excited to baby sit him when we get back to the room?" I heard Nikki say lowly in my ear. I laughed a little.

The night went on, it seemed to fly by with all the drugs and alcohol mixed together. We made our rounds to all the bars in the area, Nikki and I stumbled into our hotel room, Nikki falling to the ground, completely drunk and coked out. I was just about there myself. "Come here," Nikki's slurred voice filled the room. I laughed. "I'm not gonna lay on the filthy floor." I slurred. Nikki laughed a little and pulled himself up, getting help from the bed. "I want some more dope," he slurred. "Well, good. Me too," I laughed. He chuckled and grabbed his suitcase. He pulled out some drugs that I wasn't familiar with. "What's that?" I asked. "Smack," he said simply. It's heroin. "What's it like?" I asked, our voice still slurred with every word we say.

"It's amazing," he replied. "Why?" He asked, getting everything out. "I.. want to try.." I said, kinda more to myself. Nikki seems to love it, Tommy does it sometimes and he seems to love it too. "Just for fun." I said, avoiding looking at him. "Only a little," I was shocked that he even agreed.

Everything got set up, he tied a scarf he had around my arm and started to tap on my arm to get a vein. I felt my heart race, I was scared but, it's just for fun. That's all this is, just fun. Right..?

I felt the needle enter my arm and I looked away, I felt something corse through my body and my eyes went wide, my heart is racing even faster than before and almost instantly my whole body felt like it was vibrating. A euphoric feeling hit me instantly and I felt like I was in a dream, it seems like nothing around me is real, it's the feeling of dissociation but, it's not scary like dissociating. It's the best feeling in the world.

The needle left my arm and I almost instantly fell back on the bed, my eyes could barely stay open. "Carly Beth?" Nikki's voice was still slurred but, it seems like his voice is amplified and worry rang through it. "Are you okay?" He asked, touching my hand. I nodded my head, unable to speak, this feels so good, it's scary. "Are you sure?" He asked, his fingers intertwining with mine. "Yes," I mumbled, finally opening my eyes back up. "I'm perfect." I smiled. He smiled and had a look of relief on his face. I giggled at seeing the beauty makeup still on his face. "I'll be right back," he said. He stood up and stumbled into the bathroom and I sat up and looked around.

It feels like I'm flying, all my anxieties are gone, all fears are gone, my depressive thoughts are gone. I saw something out of the corner of my eye and turned, thinking Nikki has come back but, nobody's there. I furrowed my eyebrows. I turned my head and saw my Dad sitting on the opposite bed, he has a gun in his hand. My eyes went wide. "How did you get here?" I asked, shaking with fear. He didn't reply, he pointed the gun to me and a scream escaped my lips, I flew off the bed and hid right next to it, covering my head with my hands.

"Carly?" I heard Nikki's voice. I jumped and turned to see Nikki. "What's happening?" He asked. "My Dad!" I cried, Nikki looked around. "What are you talking about?" He asked me. I looked back to where my Dad previously was, he's still there. He cocked the gun and I fell back to the ground, sobbing. "Carly, do you see your Father?" Nikki asked me, walking over and sitting next to me. I nodded and wiped the tears away. "Carly, he's not here." Nikki said gently. "You're hallucinating," he said.

Those words ran through my head. "You're hallucinating." It made shudder in embarrassment, I felt more tears run down my face. This was suppose to be fun, the first time I try this, I start hallucinating and in front of Nikki, someone who I'm suppose to be having fun with and now he's forced to comfort me.

"How do you stop hallucinating?" I cried, covering my face with my hands. "Well, I shoot up more, but–" "Then, I want more. I just want the hallucinating to stop." I cried.

(a/n: oof. thank you so much for reading. i hope you enjoyed. please vote, it's greatly appreciated. feedback is always welcome. okay bye👻)