Afraid | Nikki Sixx

18.

(WARNING: this chapter contains graphic drug use, I normally don't do this but, for this chapter, I had to for it to make it more raw and for more people to understand what I was saying. If you are struggling with addiction of any kind. REACH OUT FOR HELP!! You are NOT alone in this, you will get out of this. Stay strong🖤)

Nikki's POV

I had just left Carly's 3 days ago, I'm thinking of asking her to move in with me but, I'm nervous she'd say no. We've been seeing each other now for 5 months, almost half a year. I still haven't asked her to be official. I haven't been with any other girl since Carly and I have started to see each other, which is weird for me. She's really changed me and I enjoy it. This is refreshing.

One thing that hasn't left my head is smack. I have been craving it. I don't have withdrawal anymore, but the craving hasn't left. I lost my dealers number, but I do a place that I could get some from. With Carly, I wasn't thinking about it because she was there distracting me the entire time. I was getting anxious. I need it, I need to get high again.

I quickly got my keys and my shoes and went on my way to the guys house. My heart was beating out of my chest as I was driving, my mouth was almost watering at the thought of just getting high again, fuck I miss it. I miss it so much.

The place is a little ways away, but not too far. As soon as I reached the place, I sighed out in relief. Knowing that soon the demons in my head would soon be silenced. I parked my car and quickly ran up the steps to his porch. I knocked on the door.

Within a few seconds, the door flew open. The guy already knew why I was there. He gestured me inside. I quickly got inside and shut the door behind me. A few people were here, snorting, shooting, smoking, drinking and popping pills. This is my kind of scene.

"What's your poison?" Someone asked. I decided for right now, I'll snort some blow and take some pills for right now.

Almost an hour had passed, I think. I can't really tell. I'm out of it, I snorted so much, I popped a few too many and I was still in the middle of drinking, I'm spaced out on the couch while everyone else is around me, I don't care to talk. I feel amazing.

I feel like I'm floating, I haven't felt like this in so long. It feels like years since I've been like this. I know it's only been a little bit over a month, but once I was alone again, I couldn't get it out of my head. Those three days, it's all I've been thinking about and I couldn't stop. I know I'm addicted, I know that but, I don't care. This is the best feeling in the world.

I glanced around the room at everyone doing their drug of choice and I saw someone shooting up. "What's that?" I finally spoke. "Heroin," they said. My body sat up. I know I can't shoot up, I can barely stand. I looked at the needles, they seem to be clean. "Someone shoot me up," I said, someone came over and they got the bandana and tied off my arm. I felt the needle go into my arm, I prepared myself to go to cloud nine, but actually something felt wrong.

As soon as it entered my bloodstream, I felt my heart beating out of control, my head felt heavy, my heart stopped. My free arm reached up to my chest but, then my whole body went limp, my head fell backwards, my arm fell to my side, I couldn't breathe. My eyes were struggling to stay open. Everyone around me started to freak out.

Oh my gosh, I'm dying. I'm going to fucking die. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and darkness took over.

(a/n: soz cute moments don't last long here in this story. but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless, please vote, it's greatly appreciated! feedback is always welcome, okay bye👻)