Thoughts and Constellations

Thursday, April 19

I wish I didn't have to be here.

I don't think people realize that I'm back. People really are self-absorbed.

I don't want to be here. Just a few more weeks and then it's summer.

I feel emotionless. I have missed a week and a half and I still feel sick.

I don't want to be back. I want to disappear and never see these people again.

I remember when people used to care, when I had good friends.

That was a long time ago. Now I'm ditching class (gym) and I don't care.

I used to care but in the week and a half I've been gone I have stopped caring about my grades and my life entirely.

I don't understand how I can go from the best weekend of my life to one of the worst week and half of my life.

What a let down.

Once again my depression and anxiety get the best of me.

I wish I could explain what has happened to me in the span of the last 8 days but I can't seem to find the right words.

I'm trying to get through today for my mom but it's hard.

It's my fault we're in this mess in the first place so the least I can do is finish off this year strong, right?

I don't know.

I feel like giving up and I've barely even started.

Confessions and Confrontations

"I can't be mad at you because you did the right thing. You put your friend before love, used very loosely. Friendships are more important than relationships every time. I am upset that you used me to get to other girls in my grade. I am not your personal info source on the girls in my grade that you like. If you want information on a girl go freaking ask her. Don't set up an elaborate plan for me to set you two up. Also stop bitching about the girls that don't like you. Sorry they didn't like you like I did but don't call them bitches because you got rejected."

"I am mad at you because you ruined our family. Because you were selfish and only thought about yourself, our family fell apart. My mom is one of the kindest, funniest, most genuine people ever and you broke her heart. You replaced her with a younger version and worst of all, she was married too. Maybe she wasn't the one and you got married too young and you forced that upon yourself but nevertheless cheating is wrong and always had been. I will always wonder what would have happened if you never cheated and you helped mom out of her depression? Would we be one of those families mom always strives to be? I guess we will never know."