Thoughts and Constellations

Wednesday, January 10

First day of finals and I'm already stressed out.

This was supposed to be the easiest day. I wish it was different.

I wish I was more motivated. Yet, I sit here thinking, 'why can't I be the perfect person that I have in mind?'

I know that I'm talented and all but I'm just scared. Scared that if I accept that, I will lose everything and everyone for that matter.

Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong year and that's why I have no friends but I know it's not that.

My grade is pretty freaking fantastic if you look past all the flaws.

We have the 'I want to change the world' mindset where only a few people have that mindset in other grades.

But it's true. Day after day I think about what I can do to change the world.

I've been a nobody my entire life, I want the world to see me as a somebody.

I'm not sure how life will work out for me, maybe I'll only be a mom but to my kids, hopefully I'll be a somebody.

Maybe I'm crazy to have a mindset like that but somewhere deep inside I like to think that my words make a difference.

I don't want to lose hope for the future that I see in my head. All I have is hope.

Maybe my mom's right, maybe my happily ever after isn't real but I still have hope that my prince charming is out there.

So what, maybe he won't arrive on a white horse with roses, if he loves me and treats me right, isn't that enough?

Or maybe he'll never come. Can I still hope that he'll be there? Yes.

If it takes time for him to find me then all know that it's right. The best things are worth waiting for.

This entire entry just shows how much TV I've seen over the years: true love, changing the world.

No one believes in that crap any more.

It's all just a fantasy but if you live in your fantasies you have enough hope that one day, your dreams might become real.