Patience

Chapter 12

Harry pov
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, another horrible day to go I groan and jump out of bed. I walk to my en-suite bathroom, an advantage of sleeping naked is you never have to undress in the morning. I turn on the shower and wait till the water is warm enough before I slip under it. For a couple of minutes I just stand still under the water with my eyes closed.

It's been five days since I have seen Kate. She tried to reach me but I avoided her, said I was on call but I'm not. I have been a mess since I decided I had to break contact with her. I can't eat, I have been moody and not all too friendly. I think about her all the time.
I just miss her. I miss everything about her, the sound of her voice, how she scrunches her nose when she laughs, how she puts her head on my shoulder and snuggles into my neck when I hug her.
The first day I thought it would get better but everyday I just miss her more and more. I try to push my thoughts away and start to wash myself. After my shower, I shave and brush my teeth. I went downstairs to the kitchen and made myself a coffee and some cereal. While I eat my breakfast, I look through my emails and my calendar for today. It's a quiet day, a meeting, seeing my patients and some paperwork. This time of year is always a quiet period. Other years I always enjoy it but I think this time it's going to be hell. I want to spend it with Kate but it isn't possible. I have to let her go and maybe even ask her to look for another doctor. No I can't do that. I have to help her, she doesn't deserve this pain, this life. She deserves to be loved, to live life to the fullest. I put my bowl and cup in the dishwasher, clean the mess I made before I take my briefcase and leave for work.

"Good Morning," my secretary Katia chirps when I enter her office.
"Morning," I mumble. Katia frowns and gives me a worried look. Katia has been my secretary for years. I started as an intern and she started as a secretary on a patient ward. She is known for her punctuality and hard work so when I became an attending and needed a secretary she was the first one I wanted to ask for the job and she said yes immediately. Through the years we created a good bond. I'm even godfather from her third child.
"Nothing special came in?" I questioned.
"No nothing. Harry are you okay?" she put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with her big blue eyes.
"Let's just do what we are paid for," I raised my voice a little and walked out.
When I entered my office I sighed. I didn't want to be cross to Katia but I outed my frustration on her. I have to admit it had happened more than once since I decided to take a step back from Kate. It was wrong and I had to excuse myself with Katia so I thought I'd buy her flowers tomorrow to excuse my behavior.
I started my day at work by seeing some patients who were admitted but I was finished very quickly. After my consults, I went back to my office to do some paperwork. This is the side of being a doctor I don't like but Katia helps me a lot and I always try to work as efficiently as possible.

I'm writing something down when I hear a knock at my door, "Come in," I allow my visitor to enter my office. I keep writing because if I stop now I will have forgotten what I was doing later.
"So, you are ignoring my existence so I thought, let's remind him who I am," without looking up I know who is visiting me. I looked up with a shocked face and have to hold back to not walk to her and throw my hands around her.
"Kate, are you okay?" I'm immediately worried about her. Why is she here? This is going to give her so much more pain.

"Physically I'm okay, emotionally I'm bruised because one of my closest friends is acting like a dick," I don't know how to react to this. She came here for me. I'm the cause of the pain that will come. I open my mouth to say something but close it again but I don't know why.
"Harry," she said walking around my desk and came to sit on my lap.
"Katia said you've been in a bad mood for days," Kate put her head on my shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to put my arms around her but I didn't. I did turn my head a little so I could smell her heavenly scent.
"Please talk to me, you are a wonderful person and you are a wonderful friend to me. Please talk to me, let me be a wonderful friend to you to, please Harry. It's been 5 days since I have seen you and I miss you," her words broke my heart and made it burst with love at the same time. I didn't want to hurt her but hearing her say she missed me too, made me feel butterflies in my stomach but I couldn't allow it. I couldn't feel them so I said nothing. I just looked at Kate. I took her in because maybe it was the last time she would sit on my lap like this.
"Or don't you want to see me anymore, didn't you feel the connection I feel," I looked at Kate and saw the hurt in her eyes. I closed my eyes and sighed. This is what you have done, I scolded myself. The most beautiful person on earth is in your life and you hurt her.
"I better go," Kate said so quietly, almost not hearable. Before I could react I heard my door click and she was gone.

Tears were welling up in the corners of my eyes. See what you have caused idiot. I'm so mad at myself. Groaning, I kicked the leg of my desk before I sunk down on my chair, put my head in my hands and let my tears flow.
I don't know how long I sat like this but suddenly my door flew open and Katia walked in, "Harry, I have some papers to," she abruptly stopped talking when she saw me and walked to me.
"Harry, it's enough," she said sternly, "Something is wrong and I'm almost sure Kate has something to do with it. Tell me. You know you can trust me," she put her hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to her.
"I messed up, I'm such an idiot," I sobbed.
"No you're not an idiot. Everybody makes mistakes but go on, tell me everything," she pushed me to talk. And that's exactly what I did. I told her everything.

When I was done I felt relieved, there was some weight of my shoulders.
"I completely understand, this isn't an easy situation," Katia sighed and took my hand.

"Harry, go talk to her! Tell her how you feel and what the problem is. Be honest with her. That's the only way you can keep her in your life."

I know Katia is right, but telling Kate about my feelings and why I acted like a dick was not something that was going be easy.
I nod, "Okay, reschedule this afternoon's meeting," I ordered Katia while I took my phone, keys and briefcase.
"You're going to her now?" Katia asked with big eyes.
"Yes I can't work here while I know she is hurting and probably in so much pain after coming to the hospital to see me acting like a complete idiot". Quickly, I cleared my desk and I looked at Katia, "Thank you and I am really sorry for the last couple of days. It wasn't okay to act like an asshole to you," I apologised.

"It's okay, Harry! We all act like assholes from time to time. Now go talk to Kate and good luck," she pushed me out of my own office which made me chuckle.
I ran out of the hospital and drove as fast as I could to Kate's apartment. Someone just came out so I could slip in without using the downstairs bell. I ran up the stairs, using two stairs at a time. When I arrived at her door, I took a breath and tried to collect my thoughts. I had no idea exactly what I was going to say, but I was going to be honest. I rang the bell and waited but nobody opened. I rang again and still nothing. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to talk to her so I started knocking on the door like a maniac, "Please Kate, open the door. We have to talk," I kept knocking till my hands hurt. I was just about to give up when I heard the lock of the door clicking and the door opened, revealing Kate.

She was wearing black sweatpants and a black shirt with 'Treat People With Kindness" in rainbow letters on it. Her eyes were red and her cheeks had tearmarks but she was still the most beautiful woman on earth.

"Can we please talk" I asked. I was glad Kate gestured me to come in and she closed the door behind me.

A.N.: I couldn't wait any longer to update
Are you happy Harry is going to talk with Kate? What do you want to happen?
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Have a nice day!
All the love,
K. x