Patience

Chapter 20

Kate pov

"Kate, Kate wake up Sunshine," I feel Harry kissing my cheek and I slowly open my eyes. The room is dark and Harry's bed is warm and safe. I don't want this day to happen. I want to stay in this bed forever. Harry is standing next to the bed in a pair of grey pants and a baby blue shirt. He looks gorgeous!
"Good Morning Sunshine, I know you want to stay in bed but it's time to get ready".
I nod. A lump is already forming in my throat. Harry goes to the kitchen while I get out of bed and go into the bathroom. I take a quick shower and brush my teeth. I dress in sweatpants and a black t shirt before I put my damp hair in a high ponytail.
I check my hospital bag and take it with me to the kitchen where Harry is putting his cereal bowl in the dishwasher.
"You can't eat or drink but you can take your pain medications before the surgery," Harry points to the table where my pills are ready for me with a sip of water. I take my pills and watch Harry before he turns around and smiles at me.
"Ready?" he asks.
"No, but I will just have to be," I say seriously. Harry takes my bag and I follow him into the garage.

It's so early that there's no traffic, so the drive to the hospital is short. After we arrive Harry leads me to the registration office where I have to fill out some paperwork.
"Normally you would be admitted on the gynaecology ward but we don't have enough beds over there," the receptionist winks at Harry when she says this and I frown. "So we're going to admit you to a private room on the neurosurgical ward". Everything clicks in my head and I look at Harry who is looking at me with a big smirk.
When all the administration is done we walk into the big hospital hallway and I look at Harry,
"I bet you have something to do with why they don't have a bed for me on the gynaecology ward," he tries to hold his smile but he's failing.
"I just want the best for my sunshine and I know all the nurses on my ward. I know they're good and if they don't take good care of you, I can yell at them!"
"Thank you," I say as we step into the elevator. Harry slips his hand in mine and gives it a little squeeze.

When we arrive at the ward where a nurse named Liz welcomes us and shows us tomy room. She explains some things, gives me a surgical gown and tells me to put it on. I look around the room and see the white walls, a little window overseeing the hospital garden, a bed, the closet, a TV and a door leading to my private bathroom. My nerves have been pretty fine up until now. The palms of my hands start to get sweaty, my mouth becomes dry and I start to feel nauseous. I don't tell Harry because I don't want him to worry.
I put my clothes away and go to the bathroom to put the surgical gown on. When I come back into the room Harry is waiting for me. As soon as I take one step, he opens his arms and I walk into them.
"It's going to be okay. You are going to be okay," he whispers and he gives me a kiss on my temple.
"I lost so much after the last surgery. I'm so scared something will happen and make everything much worse," I admit and look into Harry's eyes.
"Nothing will happen! You'll be okay and don't forget that you have me now. I'll always be here for you," Harry states and he kisses my cheek.
There's a knock on the door and the blonde nurse, I think her name is Julia, comes in.
"Doctor Styles, Miss Jones, they just called from the operating room. Something has come up and you'll have to wait a little before they'll come and get you for your surgery," she announces.
"Okay thank you Julia," Harry says and the nurse leaves the room. The other times I had seen this bimbo of a nurse, she was glaring at me and now suddenly she is nice and friendly. Maybe it's because now Harry can see what she is doing and the other times he couldn't? I still have to ask Harry if he knows why she is acting like that, but that's for another time.
Harry and I talk a little but the more time passes, the more nervous I feel. I'm feeling pretty warm and I can feel my hands are trembling but, I hide them so Harry can't see. I'm scared he will think I'm over-reacting, but this is me and bad things always happen to me. I know that something will go wrong during the surgery, I can feel it.

More time goes by. Harry's already asked the nurses what is taking so long but he's tired of waiting so he calls the surgical ward.
"Fuck, my meeting is in thirty minutes and they said it's going to take at least an hour before they come to get you," Harry says when he gets off the phone.
"I' be fine," I say a little unsure.
Harry comes sit on the edge of the bed and takes my head in his hands, "Really? I can cancel?" he looks concerned.
"I' be fine. They can call you if something is up, but it won't be needed," the thought of Harry leaving my side makes me feel like I need to vomit and the muscles in my neck are tense and sore.

After some time, Harry says goodbye. He kissed my cheek and told me I would be fine. And now, I'm alone in this hospital room. Alone with my thoughts.
Harry has been gone for ten minutes but I already regret telling him that he could go. I can't do this alone. An uneasy feeling is creeping up on me. Something bad is going to happen. Something will go wrong, I can feel it. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on my breathing but soon my thoughts go back to that ugly place in my mind. That place with all the memories of all the pain of the last four years. All the medical disappointments.
I look around the room searching for something to concentrate on, anything that can make me stop thinking about the past and what's going to happen. But I can't. Something is going to go wrong. I know it is. It's going to be cancer. Even if I make it through the surgery, I'm still going to die.
My body starts to tremble and my face is covered with droplets of sweat. My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel very weak as though I'm going to faint. I decide to push the red button to call the nurse.
"Hello again miss Jones, can I help you?" the nurse, Liz asks.
"I don't feel well," I say to her. She looks at me and she places the thermometer under my armpit.
"I'm going to get my device to check your blood pressure and heart rate but try to calm down, miss." I close my eyes, but how can I calm down if the world is going to crash down on me again? I can't stay here because if I do, something is going to go wrong. My breathing starts to speed up but I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen. The nurse comes back in and is shocked when she sees my raised shoulders, my chest going up and down really fast and that I'm gasping for air.
"Miss Jones, Kate, you have to calm down," Liz says while she puts an oxygen mask on me.
"Harry, I need Harry," I breath heavily.
"Doctor Styles has a meeting and we can't call him," she says sternly before she walks out again. I look around the room panicked. I need Harry. I can't do this without Harry. I have to go, I tell myself, before I throw the oxygen mask on the bed and put my feet on the ground.

Liz comes in with a older colleague and they're shocked to see me throwing my stuff in my little suitcase while I'm gasping for air.

"Miss Jones, what are you doing? You can't leave," they say in unison.
"Yes I can! I can't do this without Harry!" I'm still breathing heavily, my body is covered with sweat and I'm trembling like crazy. Liz tries to take my hands to stop me but I shake her off.
"Oh for fuck's sake! I'm going to call him," Liz says.
Suddenly I feel really dizzy and I to hold onto the bed before everything goes black.

A.N.: Happy update!!! 
I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. 
Have a good weekend!
All the love,
K.x