Patience

Chapter 5

I would like to dedicate this chapter to one of my best friends @karlaktx because she will always believe in me, support me and push me when I need it.

Kate pov
"No I'm not going to Jeff's birthday dinner," I say to my friend Karla on the phone.
"Come on, Kate! You need to go out more," she counters back.
"Don't you think I know! But what you don't know is how it feels, how much pain I am in or how it feels to go out and afterwards to be in twice as much pain than before, not just for a couple of hours but for days".
Karla sighs, "No, I don't know but I do know you need to go out more. You are always by yourself in your apartment. The only people you see are me, your parents and doctors. We aren't with you all the time."
I sigh, I know she is right. I have to be around people more but, it just always fucking hurts during and even more the days after going out. Some things just aren't worth being in pain for.
"Okay I will go, but not for you. I'll go for Jeff, although I know he would understand if I didn't," I mumble, clearly annoyed by my friend.
"Yeah!" Karla cheers with her victory, "I'll pick you up in 2 hours so go get ready," she chirps.
"No, you live near Jeff. You don't have to drive around. I'll get an Uber."
"You sure? It's no problem," she tries again but I say it is okay before we end the call.
I hate having to depend on others. From all the things I had to give up, I probably miss my car the most. There are lots of people who want to give me a ride when I need one but I don't like to be a bother. I'd rather stay at home by myself than ask someone for a ride.

I get up from my grey couch, walk to the bathroom and start to undress myself.
When I am naked I look into the mirror. The person I see, isn't the person I was 4 years ago before this all started. I have gained lots of weight because I'm barely able to move around or do any kind of sport. I have stretch marks on my belly, back and my boobs. I used to have pretty boobs but now they are just ugly. My back and belly are full of scars from all the surgeries.
Urgh! I hate my body. It sucks on the inside and on the outside. I walk into the shower, turning on the hot water. When I slide under it my mind keeps wandering to the person I was. I was a happy, joyful woman, who always was up for an adventure. I didn't look bad either. I took care of my body and you saw the effort I was doing.
I always thought I would have had a family by now but I guess that isn't in the cards for me. What man wants an ugly disabled woman? Nobody.
I push my negative thoughts aside and quickly wash my hair and body.
After I towel dry myself, I blow-dry and straighten my hair before I apply my make-up. I don't like lots of make-up and always keep it natural. Just some foundation, highlighter, eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. After my make-up, I walk to my wardrobe and look through my clothes.
I almost always wear joggers and a shirt because it's comfortable. The pants aren't too tight on my leg. I find a black pants, a nice red top and a black jacket. It's simple but nice.
I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. I'm already exhausted, my whole leg is throbbing.
I look at the time on my phone and see there is no time to lay down for awhile so, I'll take an extra painkiller. I look for an Uber and I'm glad I have one in five minutes. I take my purse and make sure I have everything before I take the card and present I got for Jeff.

When I walk outside, my ride is already waiting. I get in the yellow car and greet the driver. Soon after we take off I know this isn't going to be an easy ride. The driver doesn't respect the speed limits and drives like someone is hunting him down. My leg already feels like someone is stabbing it with a knife over and over again and this isn't helping. I feel every stone he drives over and soon my lower back is starting to burn.
Soon we arrive at my friend Jeff's place. I pay the driver before I crawl out of the car. The way I get out probably looks hilarious. I walk over the path to the front door while I look for another painkiller in my purse. I hope this will get me through the night. I put my finger on the with bell and push. I hear some talking, then it is quiet until I hear footsteps. The door cracks open and my heart jumps when I see the person at the door. I didn't expect to see him again so soon.