South Park One-Shots

Stan Marsh x Reader

Y/n's pov.
I was sitting and enjoying my time when a get a call. "Hello?" I say "Y/nnnn come pick me up!!" Stan yells. "Stan where on earth did you get Kyle's phone?" I say. "I have my ways.. Now come pick me up and drop me off at Wendy's!!" He yelled. "A-are you sure you just broke up with her!" I yell but he hung up.

"God damn it" I say and grab my keys. "Fuck! He didn't tell me his location!!" I yell and face palm.. Ugh... I grab my phone and text Kenny.

Me: Kenny where is Stan.

Kenny: at the bar.. Why?

Me: he told me to pick him up. Wait did you bring him there?!

Kenny: oh well maybe you should pick him up then!!

Me: dam you

I know which bar they're at since Kenny brought him there. I walk out. "And its cold" I say getting into the car. I start it and drive to the location I need.

~time skip~

I stop the car and see Stan on the ground. "God he's lucky I secretly like him" I say and get out. I hear him crying. "Wendyyy" "Stan" I say and slightly kick him. "Y/n!" He says and rolls over. "Get in" I say "no your not my mom" he says. "Im not your dad either because he's over there, drunk. Like you" I say and he groans getting in.

"Now are you sure you wanna go to Wendy's?" "Who?" He says. "Wendy.. Wendy Testaburger.." I say and he nods. "Or I could just take you home, and not have Wendy call the cops on you" I say and he looks at me. "To Wendy's!" He yells. "Im hungry, lets go to KFC" he says. "I didnt bring money" I say starting the car.

"I do!" He says and pulls out ten dollars. "Um ok" I say driving. "Where did you get Kyle's phone" I ask. "We switch phones for some reason..." He mumbled. "You and your weird ideas." I say. As I drive towards Wendy's I see her house. "I'm mad at you" Stan says. "What? Why?" I say. "Because you came and picked me up" he says with anger.

"What? You called me and told me to come pick you up then take you to We- Stan what are you doing" I say looking at him. "I'm getting out!" He says. "S-Stan I don't th-" I was go twenty and he opened the door to step out but he was gone... "Holy.." I stopped the car and got out. "Why where you going so fast?!" I heard him yell while laying in the middle of the road.

"I was going the speed limit!!" I yell back. But I quickly run to him realizing he's drunk. "Are you ok?" "Im... Not su-" he sat up and puked on the road. "Oh my god" I say and he looks at me. "I lied lets just go to your house.." He says and I just help him up and in my car.

As I was driving Stan fell asleep. I drive to my house since im not driving to Wendys and I'm to lazy to deive him home which is like.. 5 houses over.. I open the door and Stan opens his eyes. "Come on" I say and grab his arm. "I'm fine.. I think" he says "Stan I'm not going to leave you in here just so you can puke in my car, I know this from Kyle" I say and pull him out and he stumbled using my for balance.

"Stan come on..your bleeding" I say seeing his pants at his knees starting to soak in blood. But he puked on the driveway. "I don't think this is drunk me" he mumbles as we walk in. "Go to the bathroom ill bring you extra clothes" I say "where did you get extra clothes? For dudes" he says looking at me. "Do you wanna wear a dress?" I say and he shakes his head then walks into the bathroom.

I knock on the door. "Come in!" I heard him yell "here, this should do" I say and he take the clothes. "Y/n, you know I love you right?" He says. "Cool- wait what!" I yell looking at him. "I love you" "just go clean up!" I say closing the door. "Dummy" I say and walk to the kitchen. After I eat my snack I walk into the living room to see Stan asleep on my couch.

I sigh and grab a blanket covering him. I try to walk away but he grabbed my hand. "Please don't go~" he says with a small smile. "Im tir-" he pulled me down on the couch next to him. He fell asleep and I was stuck there... "Someone help, I don't care who just help" I say but nothing. "This is how I die" I say.

·×·

I open my eyes. "Damn it I woke up before him!" I yell still stuck in him arms. "Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan Stan" I say and his eyes open "ow, what" he says and I knew there was a sudden realization for him. "Oh shit" he then got up while I stayed on the couch.

"What happened?" He asks and grabs Kyle's phone. "You broke up with Wendy then went to go have drinks with Kenny then bothered me to pick you up, and that's not even the funny part" I say and he looks at me. "W-what's the funny part?" He asks. "You got out of my moving vehicle" I say and his eyes widen. "What?! Why?" He asks surprised.

"You were suddenly mad at me and got out not realizing that I was driving and then you were gone" I say and he grabs his head. "But luckily you didn't feel pain because when I got out you had asked 'Why were you going so fast?!' Then I brought you back to the car" I say and laugh.

"And" "oh right! You told ne you.. Love me" I say and he was just staring at the ground. "Guess Drunk Stan was honest there buddy" I say and he nods slowly. "A little to honest" he says and I stand up "But that's ok, ill get you some-" Stan pulled me in for a kiss.

He then stopped. "Now I ses why Wendy cannot let you go" I say and I watch his face looks sick then he ran to the bathroom. "This is one heck of a story I think Kyle would like to hear" I say and I heard yelling from the bathroom. "I'm still going to tell him" I say

"I said don't" he says looking out of the bathroom. "And I said I'm still going to tell him" I say to him. "I love you" he says. "Weirdo" I say crossing my arms.

._.

True story tho...

My dad did this ._.
It was funny and I almost died of laughter.