Ivory Mist

chapter 30

"No way Nicole," Dean said. He was being completely unreasonable.

"Dean you need to go home and freshen up. You are starting to smell baby. And you seriously need to shave," I was trying to get him to go home for a little while.

Not only does he need to change his clothes, but he is getting on my last nerve. He has been more than attentive. He has been ridiculously overbearing. Fluffing my pillows every five seconds, rubbing on me, telling the doctors and the nurses that they aren't doing their job right. Hell he has even resorted to feeding me. I know I should be happy that he cares so much, but he is becoming annoying.

"I smell?" Dean asked in disgusting belief. I smiled and shake my head at him.

"Just a little. Baby, I will be fine if you leave. You have been here for the past 3 days. Go home and change. I promise I will be here when you get back," I assured him.

"Ok. I will go home and shower. But I will be back in an hour," he said. He ran both hands through his wild hair. I could tell he was frustrated.

"There is no rush. Please take your time,"

"You wouldn't be trying to get rid of me, would you?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Who me? I would never," I smiled innocently.

"Ok, my love. I get it. You need some time from your man. I will go home for a couple of hours. I have some work to catch up on. I will be back in a little while. If you need me, call me."

"Dean I will be fine. I can't walk for heaven's sake. I love you"

"I love you too," he kissed me goodbye and left. Thank God. I will finally get some time to myself.

I love that Dean has been here for me. I really do. But I just need to be alone right now. I need time to think. My world has been completely turned upside down ever since I have met Dean.

I had lost a parent, a friend, and an unborn child. I have been humiliated, called names, stalked, and nearly lost my life. But even through all of this, Dean has never left my side. He has been my rock. I can not imagine my life without him.

I wonder if my mom and his mom were trying to hint to him that he may be asking me to marry him. I don't know how I would feel about that. I mean I do love him, but we have only known each other for two months. Am I ready for this? Are WE ready for marriage?

No, we are not ready. We just lost our unborn child. We need time to heal. Dean is already talking about trying again once I am better. I'm not sure if I am ready to try again. What if I become pregnant again, and I lose that baby too? I know it wasn't my fault that I lost the first one, but what if something happens. I can't take another heartache like this.

I ran my hand across my belly. I wonder what would the baby have been like. Would it have been a boy? Dean would have loved that. A miniature him. Someone who he could teach to surf. He was so excited about teaching our little guy to surf.

What if it were a girl? She wouldn't stand a chance. Her dad would have her on such a tight leash. But she would have him wrapped around her finger. I so wanted a girl. But I would have been happy with a boy too.

This is the first time that I have really allowed myself to think about the baby. I will never be able to hold it, kiss it goodnight, play games, or watch them from the school hallway on their first day of school. I will never be able to be a parent for that child. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. I rolled over on my side and cried myself to sleep.

There is someone here. I can sense a disturbing presence. I opened my eyes. Before I could scream, she had her hand over my mouth.

"If you make a sound, I will slit your fucking throat,"