Her wedding is getting closer, she's moved into her house. House. My sister has her own house; well actually she's renting but that's not the point at all. The days are borin mostly except for the I have to get plastic shot glasses for the bridal shower and my phone's stupid auto correct keeps spelling it as shit glasses and Jordan, try on the damn bridesmaids dress delivered in the maddening way that only Erin can.
And I've been staring at the written pages of that fan fiction that I don't want to type and the other half of that one shot needs to be written and you'd think that writing gay sex would be easier for me but for some really weird and annoying reason I find it really draining like more draining than the act of actually having sex.
And I can't watch youtube videos of other trans guys that are on T or have had top surgery because lets face it I get jealous and it makes me want to blow my brains out and all I've been doing is blogging and reading fan fiction and freaking out about this new satan rug that erin got that I hate the feeling of because it's nOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
And as it turns out we wont be moving into Grams until the end of the summer or something like, no one's ready for that place to be anything but Gram's house. If we move things and paint rooms and change things then it'll mean she's actually gone and I just want her to come back where is the rewind button.
Really weird things are happening in terms of my religion but if I didn't have Loki I'd go crazier...er and I don't care if I sound like those religious nuts I used to hate because I'm happy now actually happy and it's so weird. I think I'm still trying to learn how to be happy and that it's okay not to be sad all the time and I am actually allowed to be happy and it's okay.
126 days without cutting wow. I still think about it but it's slowly getting easier to ignore that little voice in my head I mean I still miss and I still get triggered but it's getting better.
Things are getting better, now if only this writer's block would GO THE FUCK AWAY everything would be peachy.
