My cousin Kylie's sweet sixteenth birthday party was tonight; actually it's still going on, but I had to leave early.
My brother and I got to the church where they were holding the event - it was supposed to be outdoors, but, given the glorious rain, they had to move the party indoors. The room was decorated, most of the decorations hung low enough that I had to duck to avoid hitting them, about 6 different colored spotlights flashed around the room, providing the only light.
There's the first bad sign: Flashing, bright lights.
At first it wasn't an issue, I just circled the room, avoiding the judging stares of the various girls that had already arrived, all of them in tight fitting, short party dresses and painfully high heels. I was wearing black dress pants, and a large black hoodie and my old converse, and most fo the girls there ranged from 13-16 at oldest.
It took me about 5mins from arriving to see that I was out of my element, but I got some pizza, found the table farthest away from the spolights and the speakers and prepared to wait it out.
In general, I don't enjoy parties, mostly because I don't like dancing or being around more than 3 people at a time. Parties also tend to be loud, loud is no bueno. About 5 or so speakers were clustered about the corners of the room, blasting RmB/Pop songs much, much too loud.
A few other people my age, Joe and Matt stopped by for a bit before heading out to another event they had to attend; Matt and Joe were both 20, and the only people in the room I knew besides my brother and cousins. Not only was I older than these kids, I didn't know any of them, and after about 30 seconds of observation, I knew I had nothing in common with them.
So, as time went on, the pizza stopped tasting like pizza and I sat alone at my table, my brother every now and then watching me with a concerned expression. The adults who were directly across the room from me were watching me, and no doubt discussing that I should be out on the dance floor fist pumping to cheap pop tracks.
To be honest, I found the texture of the red rose petals in front of me to be infinitly more interesting than where I was. Typical Autism moment: off in my own little world, not socializing, no interest in the world around me.
I would have been fine there for the entire party, if it weren't for the lights and the pounding music. After about an hour, I was over-stimulated, after two hours, I had to shut myself in the bathroom while tears poured down my cheeks. It was too much, the colors, the sound, all of it was so much more than I could even come close to handling.
I left the bathroom after about 30mins, convincing myself that there was no reason why I couldn't power through this; but as soon as I got back into the main room, I knew I couldn't handle anymore. But, I waited until after we sang Happy Birthday to my cousin, tasting the chocolate fountain, which wasn't too bad. Under different circumstances I would have gone to town on that thing.
My brother, for the third time that night asked me if I wanted to go home, I was so over-stimulated that I couldn't even form a sentence...
He took me by the arm, led me out into the parking lot, opened my door, and once I was buckled in, he drove me home in silence.
I guess at some points earlier in the night, my brother had called my mom, telling her that he felt bad that I was all alone, my mother asured him that that was just how I was in social events. I was always on my own, in my own little world, and when I was done and had enough, I'd let him know.
Mom was waiting for me when I walked to the back door.
I arrived at the party at 6:30, and left at 9:18.
My head hurts, I'm tired.
I don't like parties.
