*trigger warning: cutting, depression*
Simon's POV
I could hear muffled voices, bringing me out of sleep. The voices became clearer. I kept my eyes closed and listened to them talk.
"They are adorable," Vikk said. There was a clicking sound as the TV was turned off.
"Should we wake them?" Harry's voice said. There was shuffling as people sat down.
"No, I say let them sleep," Tobi said.
"Josh has been pushing himself hard lately and Simon has been rather anxious lately, they need the rest," JJ said. It's true. I've been sleep deprived lately. I'm taking a new medicine for reasons that I don't like talking about. It makes me extremely tired and exhausted but makes it hard to fall and stay asleep which gives me anxiety about people finding out and me not being able to sleep. This results in me being awake most of the time and the reason why I'm always awake before Josh. Nobody knows about it, not even Josh. I'm too afraid to tell anyone in fear of what they might think about me.
I've also noticed that Josh has been working harder and longer recently. It's because he wants to try and prerecord more so we can have more time with each other. Josh started to stir beneath me. We must have fallen asleep last night while watching our movie.
"Good morning, Josh," Ethan said and chuckled.
"Morning," Josh said with his sexy morning voice. His hands on my back move a bit and I could feel and hear the vibrations in and from his chest.
"What you guys talking about?" Josh asked and stretched a bit, trying not to wake me.
"Have you notice Simon being more anxious than normal?" Vikk asked.
"Yeah I have. I haven't really asked him about it because I don't want to trigger anything but I have tried to subtly ask. I'm worried about him," he finished and one of his hands moved to my hair and he lightly stroked my blonde strands.
"We all are. I think we should try and push him a bit to see if we can get anything out of him. I could hear replies of agreement and a hum from Josh. I started moving and 'waking up'. I opened my eyes to find it very bright with the blinds open. I covered my eyes with one of my hands and then buried my head in Josh's neck. He chuckled.
"Morning, Si," he said and I just nuzzled his neck which caused him to chuckle again. I could feel myself tensing and becoming anxious about their conversations that I over heard. I started to feel different because I need to take my medicine. I can't take it while they are all around though. I need to get to the kitchen and find it. I hide it in a different location in the kitchen everyday so people hopefully won't find it.
"I'm going to go make some tea, anyone who wants some can join me," Vikk said and his footsteps could be heard leaving the room followed by many others. Josh started to sit up and I pulled my head from his neck. He put his arm around my back and the other under my legs and carried me to the kitchen. He set me on the counter and he sat on a stool. Vikk set the kettle on the stove while everyone carried on a conversation. I felt different and didn't feel like talking so I instead tried to remember where I hide my pill bottle. Then I remembered. It's in the cabinet with the mugs and cups. Vikk reached for the cabinet and I started to worry.
"Simon, are you okay? Simon?" Josh asked as he stood up and put his hand on my cheek to make me look at him. I couldn't move. My mind was racing of all the possibilities of what could happen. I started having thoughts of running to the bathroom and locking myself in, trying to find something to relieve the stress and anxiety and make me, happier. Josh looked worriedly at me and continued to try and get my attention.
