A Road To The Life I Want

Chapter 42 -Half Dead

I closed my eyes tightly and opened it. I can feel my breath slowly getting out of my mouth. Every loss in my life happened because I wanted to take revenge. Revenge is sweeter than forgiveness. When you are done with the revenge, the guilt will overtake you. If he kills me, he will never truly be satisfied with the revenge. I am worried about Mani. His revenge will destroy him. As far as I have learned, anger never creates a solution. It is like a fire. The more it burns in the heart. The more it destroys everything around it. I wish, he had the patience to listen to what I said. He is blinded by anger, not by truth. Patience can cure any heart that has been wounded. It's a shame that wisdom touches me at the end of my own death. But I deserve to die. I will be finally at peace.

Mani shouted, "Don't look at me, John. Don't act as if you have done nothing."

I explained, "Killing me will never bring Camp back alive."

He demanded, "I think Camp needs company, John. I don't want him to be alone!!!"

I remained calm and closed my eyes for him to shoot.

Mani shouted, "Good Bye, John!"

I opened my eyes and whispered, "Good Bye, Mani. Hope you find your revenge."

He was slowly pressing the trigger. My heart was beating faster. I am still, not ready to die. Even though, I thought I am. I fear death. What will happen to me? Is there an afterlife. Will I see my parents? I couldn't imagine that I will never exist again. I will become a corps and nothing will I feel and hear. Even if there is an afterlife, I never prayed. I have never done anything good. If the afterlife exists, then Heaven and Hell also exist. I don't have any good deeds, how will I ever face God. Will God forgive me for my mistakes? What if I go to Hell? Only at the time of death, I have realised the need to live. I smiled and closed my eyes with fear.

I can hear him pressing the trigger and the whole place became dark. I couldn't open my eyes. Am I dead? Is this death. I don't feel anything. I am feeling cold. Maybe everything is over. Slowly I could feel my eyes opening automatically. The whole place was white. There was a mirror at the end. I started to walk towards it. I looked at the mirror and I was in a white dress. Wow, have I really reached heaven? Has God really forgiven me? I started hearing voices. Maybe God is speaking to me.

I shouted, "God, Am I in heaven?"

The voice shouted back, "John, you are not in heaven."

I asked the voice, "Then where am I? Who are you?"

The voice replied, "You are still alive John, you are not dead. You are in your subconscious mind."

I shouted, "You replied only half of my question."

The voice whispered, "I told this will happen, John. I told that Camp will die."

I shouted, "Now I remember you. You are the Vision. You said I will kill him. But I didn't, you were wrong."

It whispered, "You are the reason he is dead. I was literally saying, you would kill him. Actually, I was right. I am never going to be wrong. Don't ever doubt me, John."

I shouted in anger, "If I didn't go there, he would have been alive now!!!"

It shouted back, "Don't try to ease the guilt. You know that Natalie would have killed him anyway."

The voice was saying the truth. I remained silent.

It started talking, "Great, Now listen carefully. I don't have much time. Listen with patience. Don't ask me any question. I am your Vision. I can never be wrong."

I asked the voice, "How can I not be dead? Mani shot me!"

It replied, "I am a part of your subconscious. I am only conscious of what you know John."

I whispered, "That means that I already know the future and you are just, bringing back everything to me?"

It explained, "Not exactly. But you will know the truth when it is ripe. Now stop talking and Listen."

I said, "OK, I will listen."

It asked me, "Do you still have a ring and the diary?"

I replied, "Yes, I have them. I kept them in my drawer."

It whispered, "John, you don't have them. You actually don't have it. That's the truth."

I shouted, "I am pretty sure, it is in the drawer."

It whispered, "Always wrong about everything. Just find the Diary, it holds the answer to everything."

I asked it, "How can Ahmed's Diary give me answers? My uncle and Camp said that the ring holds the answer."

The voice replied, "Go find it yourself. Truth is hidden in your own self. The truth is an image of what you see."

I shouted, "I can't understand what you are saying to me."

It whispered, "When you wake up, go and find the Diary first. I am the Truth itself. I am your Vision. So, do as I say."

The voice started to fade slowly. I shouted, "Wait... I need more answers..."

The whole place was black again. I couldn't hear any more voice. The voice was right at first. But Ahmed's Diary has nothing to do with the truth. What has happened to me? The voice is commanding me to do everything. It feels like someone is in my head. It is driving me crazy and insane. I need to wake up. The only thing that I can see is dark. Maybe I am really dead. Maybe I am half dead. I suddenly heard the sound of rain. I could feel my whole body, chill. I am feeling very cold. I could feel that I am wet. I tried to open my eyes as I hard as I could. I could do this. I could control my eye. I could open it. It slowly started to open and my body became freezing cold. My eyes were very blurry. I could feel water drops all over my face.

I couldn't move my body yet. I blinked fast to reduce the blurriness. And slowly I started to move my body. My ears started to open up. The sound of the rain became very clear. I forced myself to get up. I took control of my body and I got up. It was raining heavily. I was fully covered in mud. My whole body was muddy and I could hardly see any blood. There were heavy thunder and rain. I started to walk slowly and I found the gun. I wasn't shot, maybe there was no bullet left. The car wasn't here. Maybe, Mani took the car. My phone was vibrating and ringing in my pocket. I took the phone out and it was already wet. I couldn't see the missed call. The touch wasn't working. I switched it off. I looked at the sky and whispered, "As you said, the sky is really beautiful Camp."

                                                                '8 chapter's to Go'