i cried a lot while i was driving. not only at the fact that kian cheated on me and i was a single mom, but because i trusted him. i spent almost two years of my life with him.
when we first got together he promised he would never hurt me physically. and i would rather him hit me than have to go through this. because the sting of a punch goes away momentarily, but this feeling of heartbreak seems to last.
i wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. heartbreak is such a complex mix of worthlessness, loneliness, and depression. it is such a terrible feeling.
after a long time in the car, i finally arrived at my destination. i'm not sure why i decided to come here, but it worked. it made me feel safe.
i walked up the driveway, and rang the doorbell. i prayed that someone would answer the doorbell. the door flung open, revealing one of the two boys i have gotten so close to over the years.
"hey alli, what are you doing here?" he asked, pulling me into a hug. i sighed.
"i guess you could say i'm in a bit of a situation, per say," i replied. he nodded telling me to continue. "kian cheated on me, so i took the baby and i left," i whispered.
"alli, i am going to kill him." he shook his head, pulling me into a tight hug. i am beyond glad he didn't say how sorry he was, because i didn't want pity.
"thanks, jack. but in all seriousness, i need a huge favor, and i really hate to ask this," i sighed. i felt like such a burden.
"yes alli, of course you can stay here. i'll get jack, and we'll help you move some stuff in here. we love you and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for you," he replied. i thanked him a million times before he went inside to find jack.
i walked to my car, pulling grayson out of his carseat. he smiled up at me, pulling at the top of my shirt. i kissed his head, hugging him tightly. he was all i had left, and there was nothing that i wouldn't do for him.
jack and jack walked out the front door to my car. gilinksy pulled me into a tight hug before going into my trunk and pulling out some of my junk. i was beyond grateful they were letting me stay. i am extremely lucky to have friends as great as they are.
"so what exactly happened, if you don't mind me asking?" gilinsky asked, looking over at me. i shrugged, biting at my bottom lip.
"he was never home, and he never helped me with grayson anymore. the other day i broke down, i guess. jc came over and i was packing all my stuff, so he called kian. i just made the assumption that he was cheating and all he did was apologize," i whispered.
"he is so dumb for doing that to you guys," jack replied. i nodded back at him, laughing a little bit.
"i don't want to deny my child of his father, but i don't think it's fair to me or to grayson to stay with him if he doesn't really want us at all. i just don't understand the point of staying in a destructive relationship. and it hurts me to say that, because me and kian used to be this power couple, and now we're nothing," i sighed. they nodded.
we talked for a little while longer, before i took all of my stuff to the basement. they insisted that i stay in the guest room, but i didn't feel like waking them up at three in the morning because of my screaming child. that would wear out my welcome really quickly.
i knew this living arrangement was temporary, and i couldn't wait to move out and into my own place. as much as i loved the jacks, i didn't want to be a burden. i am a sad, and single teenage mother with a seven month old baby. it can get very obnoxious quite quickly.
when i unlocked my phone, i had a million notifications asking what was going on. as much as i didn't want to share my personal information, it already seemed to be spreading quite rapidly. and, when i went onto my instagram, i finally realized why. kian had tagged me in a photo, and i was almost dreading reading it.
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I am the biggest idiot in the world for giving up on my beautiful family. i can't even call them my family, because i lost them. i was so incredibly selfish and stupid, and i will hate myself for it everyday. i know nothing will ever help me to win you back, but i will never stop thinking about it until the day i die. al, you were and are the greatest person in my life. i will continue to love you and grayson, even though you no longer love me. i know how awful i was to you, and i hope one day you will be able to forgive me for all the crap i put you through. i love you more than anything.
my heart physically hurt while i was reading that. i wanted nothing more than to get in my car and run back into kian's arms. but i knew it was never going to be that easy, and it would be disrespectful to myself if i ever went back to him that easily. he would have to do so much for me to even forgive him, let along get back with him.
he may be the love of my life, but some things are not so easily forgiveable. one day, i will forgive kian for everything he has done. but that time is not right now. i knew i needed time to heal and grow as a person before i even began to forgive him.
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