one week later, we still were't allowed to see him. they said he wasn't stable enough to have us in there. i was just thankful that grayson was able to be here for one week. his chances of survival were only 5%, and that was pretty shitty if you ask me.
but kian and i remained hopeful, because pessimism would get us no where. i kissed kian's lips briefly, burying my face into the crook of his neck. his cologne was potent and made me feel safe and protected.
"i know this isn't ideal, but i'm glad this is with you. i'm glad grayson is alive, and i'm glad that the doctors are doing everything they can," i whispered. kian nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
"i love you so much, allison. i fall more and more in love with you everyday," he replied. i kissed his lips once more, but the door creaked opem.
"oh, um, i can come back later if you want?" dr.karev awkwardly said, scratching the back of his neck. i laughed.
"nah, we are good. what's up?" i asked. he grabbed my hand, helping me to settle into a wheelchair. i furrowed my eyebrows at him.
"you are going to meet your son, is that okay with you?" he asked. i nodded quickly. i was basically bouncing with excitement.
he stopped in front of the nicu, so kian and i could wash our hands. he helped us into the room, and he stood at the corner. i was shocked to say the least. i have seen pictures but i never knew how small he really was.
i put my hand through incubator, holding his tiny hand. they were probably the size of a push pin. i thought i would never love someone as much as i loved kian, but this little boy had my heart already.
he had so many tubes connected to him, and the diaper he was wearing looked enormous on him. but he was the cutest baby i have ever laid eyes on. kian brushed his thumb over grayson's head, smiling down at him.
"i love both of you," i smiled. kian rested his hand on my shouldet, kissing my temple. i finally decided it was time to go. i wanted to sit in there with him every second until he got better, but that wasn't an option.
as we got back into my room, kian laid down beside me. he rested his hand on my hip, and pulled out his phone. none of his fans knew anything about grayson, and we decided it was time.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
suprise. grayson reed lawley was born september 26th, at 21 weeks. he is 1 pound 2 ounces, and the greatest thing in alli and i's life. please keep this little guy in your prayers.
the response we got to the post was incredible. everybody was excited for us, and said they would keep grayson in their prayers.
@graysonbdolan nice name. praying for you guys.
@jccaylen he gets the good looks from his uncle j. love y'all.
@camerondallas all my prayers to you guys. we all love ya
i was so overwhelmed with joy and happiness. i was anticipating such an ugly reaction because i was so young, but we got nothing but positivty. it was the best surprise i had ever gotten.
"he is going to make it," i whispered. kian nodded, hugging me tightly.
"i hope so," he replied, kissing my head.
//
when i woke up later that day, kian wasn't beside me. he wasn't in my room at all. i quickly pushed myself out of the bed to find him. he stood in the hallway talking to dr.karev. i stepped closer, eavesdropping on their conversation.
"everything is looking good right now. but that doesn't mean everything will remain that way. with organs as immature as his, there really isn't much to do except give him meds to help him grow and develop," dr.karev told him. he nodded.
i hated the fact that i was being released today. i liked being this close to grayson. i knew i would be at the hospital everyday until he was released. nothing would ever come inbetween that.
i headed back to my room to pack up all of my things. i was still kind of excited to go home, despite being away from grayson. i feel like i spend just as much time in the hospital as i do out of the hospital.
kian walked back into the room, grabbing my hand and keading me towards the nicu. we decided to visit grayson one last time before we left. we quickly washed our hands, filing into the room.
it was depressing to say the least. i loved grayson but being in here made it hard to breathe. i hated seeing him suffer, and i hated knowing that it wasn't going away anytime soon.
looking down at his almost transparent skin made me feel sick. i could almost see his lungs moving with every artificial breath he took. and i can't help but think this is my fault. that maybe i did something wrong.
i grabbed his tiny hand through the incubator. i sighed. i really just wanted to cry. i wished i could just pick up my baby boy, and take him home. but it wasn't that easy. it would never be that easy.
nothing in my life was ever easy. i don't know why i expected having children would be any different. everything in my life has been difficult or problematic. and i wish something would come easy for once.
//
thx for reading lovelies. pls vote and comment! :)
