i wake up early every morning to tend to grayson. i wake up a lot during the night to feed him or change his diaper. i was running on three hours of sleep, trying to run a house, take care of a baby, and finish school all at the same time. i wasn't a superhero and this was starting to take a toll on me.
looking at grayson just made me emotional. it made me remember that i was doing this alone, basically. kian rarely took care of the baby. in the middle of the night he would push the pillow over his head. and at five in the morning, he could never be bothered to wake him up. god forbid i ask him to watch his son for an hour while i work on school work.
i had worked so hard to get far ahead in my school work, but lately, i have fallen so far behind. not only am i getting assignments done late, but my grades are dropping. everything was getting too hard to handle.
grayson had only been home a month, and kian has changed 4 diapers and held him less than ten times. i started to keep track to remind him how awful he is, but it seemed irrelevant to him. like he didn't care.
i finished the test that was in my lap, getting and. i threw my coffee cup on the floor, trying to get some of my anger out. grayson started wailing at the sound. i leaned my head back onto the couch, taking a few breaths.
"be quiet," i yelled, a sob escaping my lips. saying this only made him cry louder. i leaned my head against the back of the couch, taking a few deap breaths. i pulled out my phone, dialing kian. he obviously declined my call, so i called jc.
"hey al, what's up?" he answered in his normal, energetic voice.
"you need to come over before i do something stupid, because i am about done with all of this crap jc. i can't do it," i yelled, sobbing once more. i heard shuffling in the background.
"i'll be there in five, okay?" he replied. i nodded and hung up the phone. i ignored grayson's cries and went upstairs. he would stop eventually.
as promised, jc was there in five minutes flat. grayson's screams quieted and soon jc was at the door frame. he hugged grayson close to his chest, giving me a puzzled look.
"what are you doing, alli?" he asked. i laughed, zipping up another suitcase.
"i'm taking my stuff and my baby, and i am leaving. i can't do this anymore, jc. i am beyond done," i replied. the color drained from his face.
he pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly dialing a number. he held his phone close to his ear, pacing the room as it rang. i was still packing my stuff, about to start on grayson's
"kian, what the hell did you do to my sister? what do i mean, kian? really? you had to have done something, because she's packing her stuff and leaving," he yelled. nothing was said after that, he simply passed his phone to me.
"you answer his calls but decline mine. kian, i'm done." the other line was dead for a little while.
"baby, i'm sorry," he whispered. i laughed again.
"you're sorry? you probably don't know why you're apologizing. and i know where you are,' i told him. i heard his breath hitch. "that little pause after i first talked to you was you putting your clothes back on. right? because i'm not good enough," i laughed.
"alli, i'm sorry. you'll always be good enough, it's just-." i cut him off abruptly.
"it's just what, kian? you couldn't deal with having a kid. or with me? just don't even bother, because when you get home, we'll be gone," i whispered, hanging up.
i zipped up the last of our suitcases, and brought them to my car. jc tried to stop me, but there was no way to stop me at this point. everyone has their breaking point, and i reached mine.
once all of my bags were in the trunk, i buckled grayson into his carseat and put my purse in the passenger seat. jc just stood there and watched me.
"you don't have to do this, alli. you guys can get through this, i know it," he half smiled. i shook my head.
"it isn't that easy, jc. i'm sorry it has to be this way. but this is what's best for me, for grayson. i can't stay with the man who cheated on me. who put another woman before his son," i whispered, tears collecting in my eyes.
"i love you no matter what, okay. i will always be here for you, and you always know where to find me." he hugged me tightly, kissing my forehead. i nodded into his chest.
"you are the best brother ever," i replied. i quickly got into my car, looking back at our house. well, kian's house. every trace of me and grayson were gone, except the shattered coffee cup on the ground. i pulled out my phone, the lockscreen illuminated with calls and texts from kian. i opened instagram, choosing my favorite picture of grayson and i.
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working on myself, by myself, for us. there is nothing i wouldn't do for this little guy. he will forever be the only boy i absolutely need in my life. i love you, grayson reed. forever 💙
and with that, i started my journey. i wasn't sure where i was going or what i was going to do, i simply knew i needed to get away. so, i drove.
