broken walls // taeny

1- My Life

Mondays. Gross. It's just a regular day with the same daily routine. What's my routine? Wake up, school, go to work, go home, homework and repeat. Boring? Yeah. That's my life.

I have the urge to get out of my comfort zone but I have never done that since the incidents that occurred in my life years ago. Ever since they left, I've been alone. Obviously I have friends maybe 2 or 3. But my best friend that knows everything and I love ever so dearly is none other than, Choi Sooyoung. She stood by my side ever since they left.

I've had many other friends but I cut off my connection from them. I only message people through DM's. I never give out my phone number. Why? I'm just afraid of history. I don't want it to repeat itself. Never again am I going through hell like that.

Here I am walking through the halls and I get stares here and there, but do I care? Never.

One thing. I hate interacting. No one ever approaches me. After the incident, and what I did to someone who revoked me, I was never approached by anyone since then.

I live alone, I am lonely but honestly I'm just living. I want to become an artist. Why? Art allows me to express my feelings without anyone knowing. It shows what I feel, what I think, what I like, and what I need.

My room isn't filled with my paintings because it shows how depressive I am. I'm not suffering from depression. Anymore. But I'm just living a lonely life and I'm fine with it.

It's my fault I'm living like this. I shut people out. I never took the effort and interacted with the people I loved or love. I've seen them many times and whenever we make eye contact we shrug it off. In the beginning they tried to boost me up, but I've said many harsh things to all of them individually. They must've of got hurt and never approached me ever since.

Do I care? Of course. But as time passed I got used to my life and obviously I felt depressed. People don't know this side of mine. I simply just put on a cold side to hide my true self. Like why do people have to know who I really am if I don't want them too?

I'm walking in the halls and I hear many people talking about me.

"She's so cool."
"She's scary."
"She's cute."
"Don't go up to her! I heard she broke a guy's arm a few years ago!"

The usual.

I walked into the classroom and the class just immediately muted. It's like they are a TV. If you press mute they will mute.

I went closer to my seat and slumped down. The class immediately went back to their annoying blabbering. I didn't see Sooyoung yet because we have no classes together since she's in a different course. But we will see each other during lunch. Unless she will sit with our friends again. Yeah I think she will.

"Ok class, take out your textbooks and flip to page 132. This will be a study period. The techniques that that you will be learning will be put into a painting assignment tomorrow. So use this time wisely." Our teacher instructed and we all obey.

I take out my textbook and immediately start memorizing the techniques I need to know.

---

As I walk out of the room, I spot Sooyoung waiting for me.

"Hey Tae!" She waves at me and I smile as I walk closer to her.

"Will you eat with them again?" I asked hoping she won't.

"Yeah I'm sorry. Next time?" My tall friend smiles, I just smile and nod.

"Love you Tae!" The shikshin hugs me and runs up to the group of friends I once used to be in.