When Love Takes It's Toll:

Part fifteen:

Every word tore at me, right to my heart it felt like everything I ever knew was a myth.... Something I used to believe. It's just history repeating its self.... Why am I not worthy of happiness? What did I do?

I listened in to the conversation, they were talking about the fight club. But the talk shifted very quickly....
"So... What's the situation with Magnus?" I could hear Kieran's deep voice from behind me.
"Oh, well I think I pretty much have him fooled right now. But I don't know how long it will last, I think he's starting to get suspicious as I'm going out a bit more to meet with you." He didn't even seem the slightest bit guilty in what he had just said. I felt sick to my stomach... There's no way he can fool me this time. Why was he doing this? What good was he getting?

"Well you better stay put for while then Alec, maybe don't go out so much. We don't want him to find out."
"I guess so...." Alec replied, it was like I didn't even exist.... I wasn't even important. I wanted to break out into a cry but I had to keep it together, considering where I am.
"Alec, what have you found then?"
"Not much, I mean when Magnus leaves in the morning for work that's when I get to look around. But I can't find much." What was Alec talking about... He was snooping around in my house? Our house?
"...however I did find a safe in the back of his wardrobe under a small hidden hatch." How did Alec find that? He can't know what's in there.
"And the code? Have you found that out?" Kieran sounded intrigued.
"No. I haven't found that out yet but of course I plan to." What is going on? At first I thought it was just the affair but clearly it is much more than that.

"I heard you're keeping him sweet then Alec." Kieran seemed curious.
"Yeah, I moved in with him and bought him a couple of cats, date nights. All that sort of crap." I could hear them both chuckle behind me. What was this? This is all joke to them.... A pathetic joke a game they're playing. The urge to turn around and lash out was rising, it was starting to become unbearable. But I had to stay put, I need to know what he's hiding... Why he's lying.
"Well you're doing good Alec, I have to give it to you. Just keep your focus on the job and keep Magnus golden. The last thing we want is for him to find out what we're really doing." Kieran seemed worried and serious. To which Alec replied, "Yeah I know. Magnus is just a second. Nothing to worry about."
It's hard when the only person who can make you feel better is the same person that is the reason why you're crying. I cupped my hand over my mouth trying not to let out a cry of pain, instead the tears trickled over my hand and into my lap. The thing was that Alec was talking about me quite literally behind my back... And he didn't even know I was a meter away from him, listening to everything and every lie.

I decided I had heard enough, when the waitress walked by I walked along with her so I could avoid being seen. I picked up my bike where I left it and peddled home, the salty liquid flying off my cheek and left behind me. Finally I got home and I threw myself in the sofa, I just didn't know what to do. Chairman and Church jumped up on the sofa and curled up at the bottom of my feet. I once heard that trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller with every mistake... And Alec's was down to the last bit. My heart felt like it had been kicked and punched twice over, I have never felt pain like this... Like I'm going to have to smile just to stop the tears from falling.

It's been a couple of hours, just coming up to 10:00pm when Alec normally comes home. My eyes were blood shot and wet, I tried to clear them up but it was totally useless. I heard the car door slam from the other side of the front door, it was Alec... He was home.

"Hey babe." Alec closed the front door behind him. "Hey." I wiped a crippling tear of my cheek and sniffed at the same time. "Babe what's wrong? Have you been crying?" He looked concerned but I knew it was just fiction. "Yeah I'm fine, I just finished watching the notebook for the 10th time in my life... It still gets me." I lied and gave a false smile.
"Magnus... I love you." He gave a small laugh and kissed the top of my forehead. "I love you too." I have never said that before and knew it was a total lie.

But for now I'm just going to smile like everything is alright, pretend like nothing's wrong and act like everything is perfect even though inside it hurts like a thousand knives to the heart. Only until I know what to do.....