When Love Takes It's Toll:

Part nine:

If I'm honest I don't know what this is anymore. I walked home in the rain, going over everything. But I couldn't find a single fault, he was perfect.... But maybe that was the thing, he was too perfect. It was too good to be true.

I got home drenched from the rain. Closed the door and slid down the back of it cradling my head in between my legs, I sat there for hours. The images of the past two weeks flashing in my mind... How could it all vanish? In those few split seconds... That other man all over him.... His boyfriend....My heart snapped. A small puddle formed on the floor, tears that didn't even seem possible kept flooding from my eyes as my body became cold and numb from the hurt and what felt like endless pain.

My head was heavy, and I didn't want to move. I slept on the very spot, curled up in a ball holding my self, because clearly the one who was once holding me was someone I don't even know anymore.

It was the next morning and my neck was stiff from sleeping at the foot of the door. Still drenched. Still broken. The light poured through the full length windows in my living room, the sun was hot on my face drying the last few tears rolling down my cheeks.

I know it's hard but I had to pull my self together. Stop feeling sorry for yourself Magnus! I kept telling my self as I made my way to my shower. I ran the water and stood there letting the water hit my face and run down my back. It feels wrong. I was with him... But he was with someone else. I feel pathetic, it's been two weeks not even a year and I feel like I've lost everything.

I scrubbed my body, trying to remove every touch. I even washed out the fuchsia pink streak in my hair. I was healed from those wounds that Alec helped clean up, but clearly my heart was bruised. It's like having broken ribs, no one can see it but it hurts every time you breath.

After time passed, I stepped out of the shower and put on some comfy clothes, I just wanted to sit on the sofa all day and drink coffee. Just me, myself and I. I didn't want to think about Alec... I wanted to forget what we had.

It's about late afternoon now when there's a knock on the door. Nobody visits me really, so I only had to be one person.
"Magnus! I know you're in there. Please if you're not gonna let me in then at least hear me out." I could hear him getting stressed and worked up, but I just stared blankly out of the window from my sofa where I was sat, trying to blur out his voice.

"Magnus. Me and Kieran... It's over! I told him last night after you left, I told him that you have made me feel more alive than he ever did in those three years. He didn't take it well, but I didn't care, all I could think of was you Magnus. I thought of the life we could have and the love I can give you." He paused from behind the door, I heard him slide down against it... Just like I did last night.
"Magnus, I am worthless. I know I should of told you, but I got carried away with the very thought of us....that Kieran just kinda faded away. I'm never going to be good enough for you, I'm just a boy who can't make it anywhere in life. But you mean everything to me and I meant it when I said it last night. Magnus... I.... I love you."

My stomach twisted into a tight knot...did he just say he loved me? I turned to face the door, my eyes starting to water again. I didn't want to say any thing but I decided to open the door. As I unlocked it I could hear Alec jump to his feet in the other side. He was standing there in baggy tracksuit bottoms and a black vest with a hoodie. He could see the tears in my eyes and the anger still burning in my face. I stood there like a dead piece of wood, but that didn't stop Alec from wrapping his arms around me. I still stood there motionless, not even to wrap my arms around him too. When Alec pulled away he held my shoulders and looked deep into my bloodshot eyes. He moved his hands to cup my face, even though I flinched at his touch, he leaned in and kissed me softly, tears too rolling down his cheek.... I could taste them on his lips.

"Alec what are you doing?" I broke the kiss and pushed him off my chest, I felt his heart beat fade away from mine. "You think that by kissing me I'll forgive you and come running back?" Alec stares at me, his eyes slowly turning a pink colour. "Magnus, I just I miss you..... No, no. Magnus I love you. I've never said that to Kieran and felt like it was true.... But I do with you. And I don't want you hurt even though I know I'm the one who did it." Tears poured from his eyes, it's a sight I never though I'd see. "Alec you're starting to sound like a broken record." I murmured staring at the ground not wanting to make eye contact. " I know, but else can I say? Magnus what else can I do? Unless we can forget about this because like I told you it's over between me and Kieran." Alec grabbed my shoulders with plead in his eyes as I looked up. "We still have that date tomorrow Alec, we can sort this." I know I was hurt but I feel like he's the only one who can fix it.

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes." He spoke so fast it was as if he was trying convince me to go before I change my mind.
"I'll pick you up at 8:00 again." He leaned in about to kiss me but I turned my head. In a hurry he rushed down the stairs and in to his car.... And he was gone.

Even though I was torn..... I still can't help my self but to love him.