Chapter Forty Eight
Flashback in Italics
I only went upstairs for a quick shower, but I never even made it into the bathroom before he shouted me. It was different this time. He sounded panicked.
It was just us today. In fact it was just us most of the time. Adam seemed to be coping by working himself every waking hour, and Mum was trying to keep everything else going while I took care of my Dad.
‘Kimberley!’
I ran downstairs as fast as possible, skidding into the front room, and my heart stopped. He was doubled over in his chair, a splattered puddle of blood on the floor, dripping from his mouth, and he was breathless.
‘I think – I need to go – to hospital.’
‘Oh my God. Okay, Dad… it’s gonna be ok, look at me. Hold my hand. It’s gonna be ok, I promise.’
They made him comfortable. That was the main thing they could do. The only sound in the room was the rhythmic beeping of the machine monitoring his life. I sat staring at our joined hands; I hadn’t let go of his hand once. The doctors had been phoning my mum for ages, but couldn’t get hold of her. Adam was on his way but stuck in traffic.
‘Kimberley. Look at me sweetheart.’
I reluctantly met his gaze. I was determined not to let him see me cry. His voice was awful now; slow, and full of pain, and so, so quiet.
‘I love you Kimberley.’
‘Don’t do that.’ I whispered. ‘Stop it.’
‘What?’
‘You’re saying goodbye.’
He smiled a little, placed his other hand over hers. ‘You’re so – special darling.’
‘Stop it.’
‘My little girl.’
‘Dad.’ I couldn’t hold it any longer and a sob escaped me. I knew what he was thinking, we had thought several times that it was the end, and this is how it went. ‘Stop it, please… I’m not ready yet.’
I rested my head on the bed and cried until I felt him tap his thumb gently on my hand. Looking up, I saw him smiling again. ‘Daddy Bear Hug?’
Half laughing half sobbing, I shuffled onto the edge of the bed, lying next to him as best I could and put my arms around him.
‘Tell your brother…I love him. And…tell your mother… look after your mother. She was…always the one… Look after her.’
I don’t know how long we stayed like this. I was almost drifting off to sleep, in his arms. But I’ll never forget that moment, when the high-pitched, same old beeping changed to one long ringing wail as he flatlined, leaving me forever.
**
‘Kimberley, babe we’re here.’
I didn’t need the confirmation from Cheryl. I could see the hospital in front of me, looming over. But to her I was just staring into space, silent. It crosses my mind that from her eyes, I must look quite scary. Mad, even.
I don’t react as Cheryl gets out of the car, comes around and opens my door, crouching beside me and taking my hand. Finally, I look at her.
‘One step at a time.’ She whispers. ‘Number one was getting here. You’ve done that. Next is getting out of the car. Can you do that?’
She’s speaking to me like I’m a child, but it doesn’t register with me. It’s like my body is acting of its own accord as I get out of the car and stand there.
‘There we go.’ Cheryl says. She hasn’t let go of my hand. ‘Let’s go inside and find Adam, yeah?’
I nod slowly, take a few steps forward.
‘Cheryl.’ I croak, speaking for the first time in hours. She stops instantly.
‘I-I think I’m going to be sick.’
I run to the nearest wall, double over and throw up everywhere, leaning in the wall for support. I feel Cheryl’s hands on me, rubbing my back. When I straighten up, I can’t stop shaking.
‘Ok babe, I’ve got you… c’mere, sit down… sit down here just a second… I’ll be right back--’
‘Wh-where’re you going?!’
‘I’m gonna get you some water. I’ll be one minute babe, one minute that’s it.’ She kisses my forehead. ‘Count to sixty. I’ll be back, I promise.’
I nod my agreement and Cheryl sprints away.
