Chapter Twenty
All I can see is white. Everywhere I turn. It’s like I’m surrounded by four white walls with a white floor and a white ceiling, but whenever I start running I don’t run into anything, it just keeps going. It doesn’t end.
I hear voices sometimes. Sometimes quiet and calm, then loud and angry, then sad, like they are crying. But I can never quite make out the words. I can guess but I can’t be sure.
Then for the first time in… however long it’s been – time doesn’t seem to exist here – I feel. I feel something, someone touching me. It’s soft, a gentle stroking up and down my arm. And it’s like this sense of contact makes it all go away. The white surroundings fade. And everything comes back. I can feel that I am in my own body again. I can hear bleeping, other strange noises. And someone is holding my hand. I open my eyes slowly, and panic. At the realisation that I have no idea where I am, I squeeze tightly on the thing holding my hand.
Her eyes are open. For a while I can do nothing but stare. Every hair on my body is stood up. Eventually I find my voice. ‘Kimba?’
Her eyes go from the ceiling to my face. They are so wide, it scares me. She looks scared herself.
‘Kimba, can you hear us?’
She doesn’t respond, just keeps staring. ‘Kim?’ Maybe she can’t answer. ‘Kim, if you can hear us, squeeze me hand, babes.’
She does. Really hard. She looks frantically around the room and I squeeze her hand back. ‘Listen babe, it’s okay, you’re in hospital. It’s alright, don’t be scared. You’re safe. Look, I’m gonna go and get the doctor, yeah?’
Kimberley crushes my hand again, as if she is saying no. ‘Babe, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll run, and I’ll be back in seconds, I promise. I need to get the doctor, Kimba, will you let us go and get him?’
Kimberley doesn’t let go of my hand, and tears appear in her eyes, shaking on her lashes. I look around helplessly. ‘Okay. It’s okay, I won’t leave you.’ I shift the chair closer and raise my free hand to her face, brushing the tears away. Then I see the little red button behind her head. ‘I’ll get him to come to us. Okay?’
I don’t know what I’m doing, she can’t answer me. She still has a tube in her mouth, in her nose, and countless other wires and things all over her. I press the button, hoping someone will come running.
‘Kimba, look at me, babes. Don’t be scared. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise.’
The doctor comes running in, followed by two nurses, and stops dead. ‘Cheryl? What—oh my goodness.’
I smile triumphantly at him. ‘She’s back. I told you.’
The doctor moves up the other side of the bed. ‘Hello, Kimberley. Let’s have a look at you…’
He shines a little light in her eyes, then looks back at me. ‘Would you mind leaving the room so we can get a proper look at her?’
As soon as he says this, Kimberley grabs my arm tightly. Looking straight at me she shakes her head.
‘I don’t want to leave her.’
‘I understand that, but--’
‘Please!’ I interrupt him. ‘She’s scared, she doesn’t know what’s going on, please, don’t make me leave her alone.’
**
He lets me stay. I stand out of the way but in sight of Kimberley, so she knows I am there.
When they leave they’ve taken the wires off from around her face, leaving her with an oxygen mask as she’s having trouble breathing. I sit next to her slowly, never taking my eyes off her. She raises one hand slowly and pulls the mask away. ‘Hello.’ She whispers, with the tiniest of smiles.
Within seconds I’m crying. I can’t stop. I’m half laughing, half sobbing in a bizarre sound that keeps coming out of me. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Kimberley whispers.
‘I just… I can’t…I’m just so… I’m so happy to see you.’
‘What happened?’
The doctor, before he left us, had quietly taken me aside and warned me that Kimberley’s memory might not be perfect. I’d told him I’d handle it, needing him to leave.
‘Cheryl?’ she whispers. I hate that her voice is just a whisper. She has such a beautiful voice..
‘Sorry. Err… I don’t really know where to start babe. What do you remember?’
‘Kimberley looks at me sadly. ‘I remember us fighting.’ She says hoarsely. ‘I’m sorry…’
‘Hey, we’ll have none of that.’
‘But I… I almost hit you.’
‘But you didn’t.’
Kimberley takes a few deep breaths through the mask. ‘We’ve got a lot to talk about, haven’t we Cheryl?’
I try and smile. ‘We definitely do. But I… Kimba, I want you to know…’
‘It’s okay Cheryl.’ She says. ‘We’ll get to all the hard stuff… another time.’
‘That sounds good babe.’ I say, returning the proper smile she gives me. ‘When you get out of here, we go back to mine. We’ll have cocktails on the cliff by the sea and we’ll talk about everything. Everything, I promise.’
‘That sounds good. Some things might need clearing up right away though.’
‘Like what?’
‘How long have I been here? The last thing I remember… is… running away from your house.’ She stops for a second, looking awkward. ‘It seems like yesterday but… something tells me it’s been longer.’
‘Yeah, it has.’ I whisper. I take her hand, needing her strength. ‘You’ve been in a coma for over two weeks now, Kimba.’
I say it quickly, hoping it will make it easier to take. ‘Kim?’
‘Yeah, I heard you. How…?’
Oh God, I’ve got no idea how to explain this. ‘I found you on the beach, babe. You were…’ my throat gets tighter remembering the time I spent with her on the beach, terrified by her condition. ‘you ran out of insulin.’
Kimberley’s hand goes stiff in mine. ‘You – you know?’
‘Yes. You were in a really bad way babe, you had to tell us. As soon as I realised what it was I called an ambulance.’
‘And that was… over two weeks ago?’
‘Yeah.’
‘My God… and you’ve… you’ve been here all that time?’
‘Of course. Where else would I be?’
Kimberley meets my eyes then, and something seems to happen between us. I feel an enormous swell of love for her, and she smiles slowly at me, her eyes shimmering with tears. ‘All this time?’
‘Of course.’
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘You don’t have to say anything.’ Suddenly, I remember Adam. ‘But I do have something you should know.’
‘What?’
I hold her hand tighter, take a huge breath in. ‘Please don’t hate me, Kimba. I need you to understand that I did it for you.’
‘What?’
‘I… I called Adam. Adam’s here in LA.’
